#but not right now because that took a boatload of time

[girlyhornywriter]

Enabled

Your girlfriend had never exactly been "skinny". She wasn't fat by any means (not when you two got together at least), but there was always a certain roundness to her that caught your eye from the beginning. It was just enough to make it clear that she wasn't someone who put in any time at the gym. She didn't have those firm edges and defined angles that muscle would have given her figure... She was too lazy to strive for that. She just wasn't all that motivated by food, so she never ate enough for her weight to really change.

That was before she moved in with you, though.

It wasn't intentional at first. She spent a lot of time at home, since she only worked part-time, and you had always kept your fridge and pantry stocked with a bunch your favourite snacks... which also turned out to be some of her favourite snacks. When she lived alone, she was too disorganised to keep her pantry properly stocked, so snacks were a luxury that diminished fast at her old place. Living with you meant they were always getting refreshed as soon as they started to run out, so she didn't have that natural limitation.

And it started to show.

It was slow enough that it took you both by surprise, but she was getting bigger. Every morning, you noticed how much longer it took her to get ready, even as she remained oblivious to how her routine was adapting. She fought to put on her panties every morning, stretching them to their limit as they were pulled over her rounder ass; she needed to suck in her belly as far as she could just to get her jeans to button up, and the strain they were under was she let her gut spill back out was clear even from where you would watch her; she would need to try on two or three tops before she found one that didn't leave the underside of her belly exposed. She blamed it on the fact you were making sure she drank more water now.

And you... agreed with her.

You knew that wasn't the truth. You always took out the garbage, and always saw the empty bags of chips and chocolate bar wrappers that you definitely knew hadn't been put there by you, but even though the fact she was plumping up from all that eating was obvious to you... You didn't want to reveal that to her.

Because then she'd probably stop eating so much. And then you wouldn't get to see her grow bigger.

You had never had a particularly strong preference about your girlfriend's size. Slim, thick, you loved her no matter what she weighed. But this was more than that. The way she was so oblivious to the way her body was changing, the way her clothes were straining to keep up, the fact that the snacks in your pantry were definitely disappearing faster than they had been when she first moved in... It was pushing all the right buttons for you. Sex had never been better, and she still hadn't noticed that you hands seemed to be spending a lot more time than usual groping her softer ass cheeks or squeezing the fat roll that was forming around her midsection.

So you kept your observations to yourself, and made sure to double your snack purchases to make sure she never ran out of them while she was watching TV or gaming at home while you were out at work. You even started leaving some in the living room sometimes, so that she could indulge her appetite without even needing to think about it. You'd get home in the evening to find her lying on the couch, finishing off her sixth bag of chips, her jeans unbuttoned to make room for the extra belly she was sporting... And then she'd ask what you wanted to do for dinner.

But you weren't fattening her up. You were just making it easier for her to do that to herself. It was all her decision, after all. As far as anyone could prove, you just hadn't noticed that you were buying boatloads of your girlfriend's favourite snacks and leaving them all around the house for her to mindlessly graze on all day long. Her eating habits just totally slipped by you...

That excuse didn't hold up so well when you started bleaching the tags on her clothes so that she wouldn't notice you replacing them with the next size up any time she started struggling to pick out an outfit that she could still fit her fat gut into. But still weren't technically forcing her to eat so much and never exercise any of those calories off. You were just... making sure her clothes stayed comfortable! And that she didn't get self-conscious about rapidly approaching the plus-sized range of clothes! Yeah, you were totally just being a good boyfriend.

You were always on her side when she would complain that your favourite restaurants were sneakily reducing their serving sizes. Of course that's what they're doing, babe! Why else would you still be hungry after your usual order? We'll get you a second dessert though, it's okay...

And you always reassured when she would ask you if you thought she looked a little different lately. You look as beautiful as you always have, babe. I'm sure your face just looks a little rounder because of the way you've been styling your hair lately. Don't be silly babe, you don't have a double-chin, it's just the lighting. Your thigh gap is still there sweetheart, don't worry, your belly just blocks your view of it.

You did so much to keep her spirits up when she got laid off from work, too! Bringing home take-out for her to cheer her up when you'd come home from work, telling her she could spend as long as she needed cooped up in the house, encouraging her interest in taking up baking to fill in her now-abundant free time...

You were just being a good boyfriend. It's not you fault she got so fat...

As you get back from work with the three twelve-inch pizzas she asked you to pick up on the way home though, and watch her struggle to rock herself onto her feet from her position seated on the couch, you do feel a tiny bit responsible for what she has become.

Maybe you did enable her NEET tendencies, just a bit. But she has such a big smile on her face as she waddles towards you in the doorway, licking her lips, so she can't be that bothered by the fact that she hasn't really left the house in the past month...

And maybe she wouldn't be so obese if you didn't make her heavy-cream milkshakes whenever she mentioned being in the mood for something sweet. But could the dozens of pounds of flab and blubber jiggling and bouncing on her frame with every step she took towards you definitely be blamed on those thousands of empty calories?

An argument could be made that telling her that she didn't have to keep wearing clothes around the house if she didn't want to didn't really help her waistline... But you stopped being able to find clothes in her size eventually, and she was going to notice her outfits tearing sooner or later if you didn't do something. You think her new au natural suits her really well, though! You love the fact that you don't have to wait until you get her into the bedroom to see the thick rolls of chub adorning her once-flat tummy, or the thick layers of cellulite coating her ass and thighs, or her pendulous tits that bounce against each other with every step she takes. It's not like she seems to mind the fact that it's so much easier for you to grope every fleshy inch of her, either.

As she reaches you and opens up the first pizza box, she stops for a second, her hand already halfway towards her first delicious slice. She looks at you, and when she catches her breath, she speaks:

"Babe... Do you think I'm getting fat?"

[wildestdreamsblog]

Latibule Season 2: II

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader (Mafia/Detective AU)

Summary: In which he lost his latibule.

Warnings: Secret Identity, Yandere behavior, Obsessiveness, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Violence, Mention of death, Disability, Sexual themes, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: A late valentine's gift <3 I’m so sorry for taking so long. A lot happened and work is the busiest and and and life.

Masterlist, Latibule 2.I

“Hyung, did you hear me? I said-"

Kim Namjoon sighed from the other line, headache already creeping up his temples from the boatload of information Jimin was dumping on him on the other line. As who he considered to be the only sound and sane one among the seven, Namjoon was accustomed to being the voice of reason, getting the boys out of tight illegal situations, and managing the members. Min Yoongi might be the head of the mafia, but all seven of them were leaders in their own right and fields.

Seokjin was the head of the medical field, Namjoon of the twisted world of law, Jungkook of the technology world.

And this definitely was one of Namjoon’s specialties: stopping the fearless and heart-stricken leader of Bangtan from kidnapping a woman in broad daylight. For fuck’s sake, he wasn’t even against the illegal act itself, but could he just do it when there weren’t eyes watching him?! When the sun wasn’t at its highest?! When he wouldn’t be tomorrow’s headline?!

He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, glaring at the eldest hyung who was chuckling to himself. Seriously, he thought doctors were supposed to have no life and no time to annoy their friends? Why then was the Chief of the hospital barging in his office and lounging on his fancy sofa?

“I’m glad you found this amusing, hyung,” he commented dryly which only made the eldest laughed harder. “This isn’t something to laugh about.”

“What?! We all know something is definitely wrong with Yoongi. This isn’t news to us! This only confirmed our suspicions!”

“You could at least be supportive of what he’s going through right now.”

“Namjoon,” he started when he was finally done laughing, wiping the tears from the side of his eyes. “How do you expect me to be supportive of him right now? He’s on the verge of kidnapping a woman because he thought she looked like her. Does that make sense to you?”

He tilted his head before standing up, his movement elegant as he crossed the room to where Namjoon was sitting behind his desk. He smiled down at him, his hand supporting his weight as he leaned down on his wooden desk. “Dead people don’t exactly come back to life after burning from a fire as immense as that one, do they?” he asked, his tone light yet his eyes held faux curiosity. And at that moment, an air of danger surrounded the office. He could see the coldness that reflected on Jin’s eyes.

Namjoon knew when to back down, especially when Jin was in this mood. It was almost comical how quickly Jin’s emotions could switch, and it was definitely not amusing how bloody the effects could be. He wasn’t exactly the mafia prince for nothing. He, of all people, knew how perceptive and strategic Jin was. Never once did he do anything without a reason. And precisely because of that that it took him a moment before he answered. He lowered his eyes for a second before returning to Jin’s now amused ones. “They don’t, hyung.”

Jin nodded before turning to leave, his hand was in his pocket, his stance relaxed as though nothing was amissed. He had opened the door when he paused as though he remembered something. He twisted his body, his eyes trained on the famous attorney before his lips twisted into an entertained smile. His finger was now resting on his lips.

“Ah, unless they’re actually not dead.”

—-

Min Yoongi was like a man possessed, never leaving any stones unturned as he religiously looked for his angel.

He looked at every single piece of record of the town that the town had, employed several people to look for you, searched every available CCTV to trace any evidence that you existed, that you weren’t merely a figment of his imagination, that you weren’t merely indication of his declining sanity. Yet all roads lead to nothingness.

It was like any leads he got were mere fragments, offering little clarity or direction in the investigation. Likewise, it seemed as if someone was making sure that he’d go nowhere with the little pieces of evidences he was able to gather of your existence.

As days turned to weeks and to months, he was starting to be convinced that you were just his imagination playing tricks on him, that his mind was just too cruel to conjure an image of you, that it was just too sick to think that you came back to him. In this moment of profound longing, when the ache of your absence weighed heavily on his twisted soul, he couldn’t help but ponder about his choices in life.

On some days when he missed you the most, he thought that this must have been his karma for living his fucked-up life brutally. On a day like this when he should have been celebrating your birthday, when you were supposed to turn a year older, when you were supposed to be by his side as you blew your candle, he thought that this must have been his penance, a consequence of the twisted journey he had decided to walk on.

But wasn’t this just too painful?

Wasn’t his punishment too cruel to have the world gave him you, only to wretch you away from his arms?

Wasn’t it too cruel to have loved and lost you?

Yoongi let out a humorless chuckle, the puffs of smoke coming from his lips as he looked at what once was your home. It was your birthday, and tomorrow was your second death anniversary.

How he survived the existence without you, he would never know. He decided that he would never stop looking for you because accepting that you were gone from this fucking earth was not an option. He could feel inside the dead heart of his that yours were still beating. He knew a love as immense as what he felt for you wouldn’t die as easily as that. No.

Min Yoongi would find you.

“Happy birthday, my angel,” he whispered to nothingness, only the moon bore witness to his greeting, the night enveloped him in a solitary embrace. The echoes of his sentiment lingered in the air, hoping that his words reached you where you were.

---

“Happy birthday, eomma,” Jung Hoseok finished the song lightly, clapping the chubby little hands of your son in sync with the tune of the song. Your son was giggling as he bounced him on his lap, looking over his long lashes to Hoseok.

“Careful, the candle’s just in front of you,” he warned before shuffling the cake an inch closer to you. He came home almost an hour ago from his work in the docks with a box of cake in his hands he bought. You could no longer count how many times the three of you moved over the year, the last one being the most suspicious to you when after you came home from the market, he had already packed your bags. Before you knew it, he was already driving away from the town.

You lived in so many places.

You never felt at home in any of them.

It was unfair how you only felt at home when you were in his arms.

You clutched your walking stick on one hand, the other cautiously running your hand on the table to detect the cake’s placement.

“I’m not fully blind yet, Hoseok,” you admonished him teasingly before closing your eyes and wishing with all your heart that your son grew up happy. You wished to the heavens that his fate was kinder to him, that he didn’t have to suffer the way you did. You prayed that his fate was free from the shadows that haunted your own past.

You wished that he could live the life he deserved.

“Eomma,” he called for you, lifting his chubby arms to go to you. Hoseok cooed at him before lifting him to your lap carefully. You felt the warmth of his little arms encircling your neck, tiny lips pressing sweet kisses on your cheeks before erupting into giggles. "Eomma!"

A smile graced your face as you soaked in the pure joy radiating from your beloved child. Leaning in, you planted a loving kiss on the person you now cherished most in the world. His eyes lit up in response, a mirror image of his father's, carrying the same warmth and affection he did when he looked at you.

Hoseok watched the two of you from his seat. It was almost comical how he loathed your son’s father with all his heart, only to love his son with the same intensity. If he couldn’t end that bastard brother of his, if he didn’t have it in him to finish the job and kill you, then he would just take the life Yoongi was supposed to live.

He would never let go of the two of you- not when he found peace in this little family. The only way he would let go of this was if the only person he loved came back to him. But that was impossible, right? After all, Yoongi made sure that she would cease to exist in this world.

Wasn’t this the crueler revenge, he thought. Wasn’t this what Min Yoongi deserved?

It was almost amusing to think how he could have been dead if not for one of his brothers that saved him and you that fateful night. He could have almost missed this little slice of heaven had it not been for his brother, the only one who knew that he was still alive.

---

Almost two years ago, somewhere in a small province of South Korea

You woke up with a start, your heart beating faster as evidenced by the spike in the heart monitor attached on your bruised skin. The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, attached to your bruised skin, echoed in the room, its pace mirroring the accelerated beat of your heart. The sudden awareness left you momentarily disoriented, and the sterile environment around you hinted at the gravity of the situation. As your senses sharpened, you couldn't shake the feeling that the throbbing in your chest was not only from the abrupt awakening but also from the lingering echoes of a disconcerting dream or a painful reality.

Every single thing that happened went back to you.

Every single detail of that night, of the way he smiled so tenderly at you, of the way he softly told you that he would be back, of the way a strange man entered your house and threatened you.

The recollection was vivid, etched into your consciousness like a haunting melody.

You remembered the way Suga’s face became cold the moment he saw that man. You remembered not seeing even a trace of the man you loved.

You remembered the truth and the pain that came with it, and then you remembered thinking it was your end. Beyond it all, beyond all the betrayal, lies and deceit that unfolded, you remembered wishing that he would be fine after all of that like the fool you were.

Wincing, you lifted your fragile hand to your shoulder, feeling a faint pain where the bullet had pierced your skin.

“Don’t move,” a tired voice sounded on your left. Startled, you turned to look at the source, only to find the man who attempted to kill you leaning against the wall, his own arm bandaged, his handsome face colored with faint bruises.

Hoseok didn’t come out of it unscathed, no. He looked so hallow. It was like he was a lost child, like a man that lost his purpose, like he was a shell of what once was a soul.

He must have seen your alarmed expression. He waved his other arm, his jaw clenching from the events that transpired. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

You blinked at him, never trusting a word that came out of his mouth. It would be difficult for you when you saw how he unleashed hell that night.

“I-I,” you swallowed, your dried throat making it harder to speak. “d-don’t believe y-you.”

He watched you for a moment before nodding his head. That was fair, he thought. “How are you feeling? You’ve been unconscious for almost a month.”

What?

“Y-you waited that long to kill me?” you asked, your voice hoarse as you sat down. If he was going to end you, then you wouldn’t take it lying down.

Wordlessly, he crossed the room, lifting the glass of water on your bedside table, the straw turned to you. “Drink.”

You glared at him, distrust and anger in your eyes as you met his emotionless ones.

“I’m not going to kill you.”

You scoffed, turning your head away from him to look at where on earth you could have been. The hospital room was small, the window offering no clue as to your whereabouts. You wondered where Suga could have been.

Did he make it out alive?

Was he hurt?

Was he looking for you?

Did you want him to after what you knew?

“I do draw the line on killing expectant mothers.”

Latibule 2.III

[asliceofzosan]

in which Zoro takes the blame for not paying for the food at the Baratie (sequel to Sanji witnessing the riceball incident in Shells Town)

Ribeye steaks piled one on top of the other, a massive helping of mashed potatoes with boatloads of gravy, salads, soups, and fancy dishes with names Zoro can't pronounce — all made up the massively long order list that he knows Luffy has not a single Berry to his name to pay with.

Zoro looks around the place, tuning out the story of the giant goldfish that Usopp has told them before, his eyes resting on the blonde waiter flitting about and flirting with every woman at every table.

Sanji was his name. Zoro didn't recognize it. But when he arrived to their table and saw Zoro, it looked like their resident waiter recognized him. Zoro's reputation in the East Blue is not a laughing matter, so it didn't bother him at first. But the way Sanji stared at him, wide blue eyes and with a touch of a smile on his lips, told Zoro that there's something a lot more than recognition swimming in that man's head.

He can't put a finger on what it is exactly though. It's driving him crazy.

"Waiter, can I get a beer and something for my friends?"

Sanji turns to him and nearly steps back in shock. Zoro quirks an eyebrow, confused and a little annoyed. He wore his best clothes today (Captain's orders). And he's pretty sure he even took his mandatory once-a-week bath before they went inside (Nami's orders). Still the waiter looked at him like Zoro had grown a second head. Like he couldn't quite believe his eyes.

"Maybe there really is something wrong with your eye," Zoro muses, crossing his arms as Sanji quickly straightens his posture and shoves his hands into his pockets. "Got a problem with me, waiter?"

Sanji coughs out a laugh. Zoro notes with narrowed eyes that there is the slightest tint of pink coloring his cheeks. Is he blushing? The fuck?

"None at all, sir. I think I was just seeing things." The look in the waiter's eyes betrays his statement but Zoro chooses to say nothing. With a practiced smile, he turns back to Nami and asks her how she'd like her water that makes Zoro stare at him this time like he's grown a second head.

"And um..." Zoro is surprised Sanji hasn't left yet and is once again directly addressing him. "We have a few specialty riceballs not on the menu today. I'll bring them out... on the house."

Without even explaining what the fuck that meant, Sanji turns on his heels and beelines straight for the kitchen.

"I think Nami's boyfriend might be yours too, Zoro." Usopp teases him with a snicker and the glare he gives him is sharper than the blades of his swords.

Now, here Zoro is, letting Ussop's words affect him more than they have any right to as he downs his third bottle of beer.

The specialty rice balls haven't come out yet. Zoro's starting to think it's just a sick joke. But he doesn't let it get to him. Or tries to. Why offer free food when you can't deliver on it? Fucking ridiculous. And no, it's not like he suddenly craved rice balls when the blasted waiter mentioned them. That's not it at all. Bullshit.

"Didn't the waiter said he's coming by with rice balls?" Zoro finally snaps and the conversation his crew was having died down immediately at his statement. Ah fuck. He probably should have just kept his mouth shut because Nami was now looking at him with a shit-eating grin not entirely unlike the one he gave her when he teased her before the meal.

"How would you like them, oh great swordsman?" She teases with a glint in her eye. She cups her cheeks with her hands in delight at the irritated snarl Zoro gives her.

"With or without seaweed?" Ussop chimes in.

"Cubed or crushed?"

"Fuck off," Zoro hisses between his teeth. Nami and Ussop share a look before bursting into laughter. Zoro looks over at Luffy who was swinging his feet and obliviously sipping his milk. When Luffy makes eye contact with him, he just tilts his head with wide blank eyes and it makes Zoro question all his life choices.

"You wanna ask him?" Luffy says, already clamoring over the booth and waving at the object of Zoro's unexplained irritation. Zoro sinks into the seat as Sanji approaches with the bill for their meal.

"Your bill, sir."

"Zoro's asking if you're gonna bring the rice balls you promised." Zoro just stared up at the ceiling and thought of a million different ways to cut a hole into the floor so that the ocean could take him.

There is a headache inducing silence that follows Luffy's question. Zoro can't help but finally look at the waiter and he doesn't know how to explain the feeling that bubbles up when they make direct eye contact. Maybe it's indigestion. It's probably indigestion.

Instead of bringing up the damn rice balls, Zoro just grabs the tray with the bill from Luffy's hand. Just as expected, his annoyingly endearing captain put down an I.O.U for the ridiculously long list of food they ordered. Several possible scenarios could happen from this. And Zoro doesn't want to think about Luffy wreaking havoc in someone else's kitchen.

With a deep sigh through his nose and a knowing look at Nami, Zoro wrote down his own name in place of Luffy's.

"Zoro, what—" Luffy almost took the bill back when Zoro stood up and handed it directly to the waiter, who looked just as dumbfounded as the rest of them.

"If your head chef's got a problem with that, he can talk to me directly. Tell him that for me, won't you?" Sanji takes the bill, reads what's written, and there's a phantom lurch in his chest that happens when Sanji looks up at him and smiles. Zoro doesn't want to describe it. He'll allow himself to firmly believe that it's a side effect of eating too much food. It's indigestion. You're just constipated. Never mind that the feeling is most prominent in his chest and not his stomach.

"Of course, sir." Sanji purrs and the sound runs like a cold river down Zoro's spine. There's a hint of mischief in the gleam of his visible eye. Every instinct in Zoro tells him it's dangerous. He should take his crew out of here, onto the Merry, and run.

But he stays rooted to the spot, wrist limp on the hilt of his sword, as he watches that damn waiter walk away from him.

"WHO THE HELL IS RORONOA ZORO?!"

The steady routine of washing the dishes helps quiet Zoro's racing mind.

It's a very welcome distraction. The clinking of the ceramic against metal utensils provides a cacophonous symphony that helps drown out all of Zoro's waking thoughts. The sooner he starts to think, the sooner he starts to notice how that stupid fucking waiter has just been sitting at the table behind him, cursing Zoro with his mere presence.

Scrub scrub scrub...

"You sure you don't want any help?"

Scrub scrub rinse...

"No."

Scrub rinse dry...

"I really have nothing better to do."

Zoro's eye twitches.

"Good for you."

A long silence follows this and Zoro thinks the waiter finally gave up. That was until...

"Are you still mad about the rice balls?"

"Oh my god!" Zoro nearly slams a pile of dishes onto the floor. He turns to Sanji, who is just casually smoking at the table, and stomps over to him. Once he was right in front of him, Zoro snarls at him, one hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Talk about those damn rice balls one more time, I'm gonna chop your head clean off for them to use in tomorrow's ramen stock."

Sanji blinks, then turns his head to the side to blow smoke away from Zoro. Zoro tries to convince himself that he isn't staring at the way Sanji's lips purse around the cigarette in the process.

"I can still make you the rice balls," Sanji says without a single ounce of fear in his body. "I just couldn't do it while the old man was around." He then stands up and steps around Zoro with a practiced grace. "Are you willing to wait ten minutes?"

"I'm not hungry," Zoro hisses but his stomach betrays him with a loud grumble. He's been washing dishes for so many hours. He probably missed dinner.

Then, as Zoro straightens his posture, Sanji does it again — he smiles and Zoro doesn't know what to do.

"Sit." Sanji gently nudges a chair out with his foot. It lands perfectly in front of Zoro at a perpendicular angle. "I'll have them out in five."

"You said ten minutes." Zoro found himself saying, only to be contradictory. Sanji laughs this time and the resulting smile pierces Zoro's heart with a million cursed swords.

"When someone's hungry, I feed them." Sanji says simply and that's the statement that ends their conversation. Zoro still refuses to sit on the chair, instead finding himself gravitating towards the counter that Sanji was preparing his ingredients at and leaning against the marble.

Before Sanji found them at their table, he brought down a marine and a fearsome pirate with just his feet. Zoro was fascinated by his fighting style even if he didn't want to admit it out loud. But he's always been curious. Especially now, with Sanji whipping out the sharpest knives and using them effortlessly as Zoro would wield the Wado Ichimonji.

"You're good with knives," Zoro says before he could stop himself. Sanji chuckles.

"Of course, I am. I'm a chef. Best one in the East Blue."

"What's a chef doing waiting tables, then?"

"Cause I was kicked off the line this morning. It's a weekly occurrence, nothing special." The way Sanji scrapes his ingredients into a bowl betrayed how he felt about it despite his nonchalance. "I can cook better dishes than everyone in this damn kitchen but Zeff refuses to acknowledge that. It's always 'your food is crap', 'slice those carrots thinner', or 'needs more fucking oregano—"

Sanji throws the knife onto the cutting board, its tip now embedded neatly straight down the middle. It stood perfectly still, like it was afraid of what Sanji could do if he added more pressure. Zoro raised an eyebrow, looking up at the now irritated cook with a smirk.

"Sorry," Sanji mumbles, taking the knife and cleaning it carefully with a cloth. Zoro says nothing. He just props his elbow on the counter and places his chin into his hand as he watches Sanji in his element. Eventually, it's down to just shaping the rice balls with his hands and Zoro asks the question that poked at his mind during Sanji's mini outburst.

"If you're so dissatisfied cooking here why don't you just leave?"

Sanji pauses. His head is down, his blonde fringe obscuring one eye as his fingers twitch against the rice ball.

"It's not about that."

"Yeah?" Zoro leans as close as he could get with the counter between them. Sanji still refuses to look up. "A hot-headed cook who claims to be the best in the East Blue settling down here — where he is not head chef — is as contradictory as it gets."

"You don't know–" Sanji snaps but stops himself immediately. He looks up to glare at Zoro through narrowed eyes. "You don't know why I still stay."

"Enlighten me then, cook." Zoro leans his hip against the counter. "Because really, someone as good as you claim to be has got to have some ambitions. Dreams." Zoro holds the man's gaze. "Do you hate the old man?"

"No!" Sanji counters immediately. "The man fucking raised me. I owe him my goddamn life!"

"Owing him your life isn't the same as giving up your life to work at a restaurant that barely lets you cook."

"You don't know shit!" Sanji nearly slams his fist down on the counter, pointing a finger at Zoro with his face beet red. "This restaurant was his dream—"

"But is it your dream?"

Silence. Total utter silence.

Where color is nothing but a dark void of black and grey, a sea of blue greets him from the pages. Vivid pink skies and tangerine mangroves burst to life. All types of fish swim in his mind's eye but if he reaches out to touch them, it certainly should be real. A phantom breeze kisses his cheeks and water laps at his feet. He's drowning but he swims in delight. He's falling but he feels the clouds cushion him with warmth.

There is a vast ocean out there, one that contains delicacies and species from all four seas. Creatures of every kind, spices that have never been tasted.

The All Blue.

In Sanji's world of black and white — he strives to find the one place that's in screaming color.

There are tears in Sanji's eyes before Zoro could comprehend what was going on. But he wipes them away before he can get a good look at him. The kitchen was quiet around them. The only sound peeking through was the faint music from the bar outside. Though Zoro's heartbeat was louder in his ears than his own breathing.

But he could hear each footstep Sanji takes, the scrape of the plate as it's pushed in Zoro's direction, and the click click of Sanji's lighter as he helps himself to another cigarette. Zoro looks down and sees the rice balls presented in front of him — three heaping helpings, all coated in a different topping, all different flavors.

Zoro takes one.

And it's the best rice ball he's ever had in his life.

"I have a dream," Sanji murmurs, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. One glance and Zoro could see that whatever his dream is... it still burns like molten lava in the heart of this chef. "I'd just rather give up on it than die searching for mine."

Zoro swallows, turns around, and takes the cigarette from Sanji. The ashes fall into his palm, its embers dimming as he squishes it between his fingers.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Zoro says, looking up to make eye contact with Sanji. He can see it almost immediately — the longing for something that seems near impossible to achieve, the acceptance that it's hopeless — but Zoro sees it, clear as day, that the flickering flame of hope still shines in Sanji's eyes. That he's just waiting for his sign to let it once again consume his soul in a roaring fire, brighter than even the sun could be.

Zoro wants to see him shine.

"Come meet my captain," Zoro instinctively wraps his hand around Sanji's wrist. Surprisingly, Sanji doesn't pull back. "I think he'd really like to get to know you."

Sanji doesn't protest.

Zoro takes the rice balls to go.

Never waste food.

[amazingmsme]

some spare blood of zeus headcanons for the soul? 👀 - 🌙

Anything for you 💗 literally foaming at the mouth wanting to talk about them. Sorry it took so long! These got away from me, but if y’all ever wanna talk about blood of zeus, PLEASE share your thoughts! I’m so unhealthy about them lol

There’s so many characters in this, so I’m just gonna hop around with my headcanons instead of doing it by character like normal, so they’re a little jumbled

But omg Heron is such a fucking sweetheart ok he’s got a heart of gold & he’s so cute I just love him a lot!

I feel like he’s more ler than lee, but strictly out of shyness alone. Growing up, his mom was basically the only one who ever tickled him. But I feel like Zeus tried in his disguised form when Heron was still young

Now that he’s older & has friends (& even some family) that he trusts & has gotten pretty close to, he’s not as closed minded to the idea of others seeing him with such a “weakness”

Also probably has something to do with the boatload of trauma & responsibility thrust upon him because he really feels the weight of everything right now, so he appreciates it when his friends try to lighten the mood with a playful attack

Alexia was definitely the first one of the crew to find out that Heron was ticklish, & it was during a sparring match when he was being way too cocky & kinda wasn’t holding back (aka being a playful dick) & she had enough & went out on a limb to see if he’s ticklish & it’s been the best decision she’s ever made

She can tell when he’s really stressed out & will offer him a hug & then gently traces along his back, neck, & arms until he’s all relaxed & smiley

He’s so smitten with her, but he thinks he’s being slick & that it’s not blatantly obvious he’s in love. But when he’s trying to flirt but doesn’t really know what to do or say he panics & just starts tickling her because she’s so pretty when she laughs, & he’s goofing off with her, & getting to touch her & be close so he doesn’t care about any repercussions he’ll face (she’s pissed that this works so well because he’s SO CUTE when he’s in a ler mood, he literally can’t hold himself back)

He’s always so energetic compared to everyone else, so when everyone else is done training & he just won’t stop, they’ll gang up on him until he agrees to give it a rest

That said this man ALWAYS gets revenge & he’s so calculated about it. Like he waits to strike until the most vulnerable moment & goes for the worst spots first

Heron & Evios make a wicked ler duo. They’re the teasiest bastards & they terrorize literally everyone (so just Alexia & Kofi)

That said, Kofi & Evios are the most common ler duo to see, but Evios is almost always the one to instigate things. Kofi is more reserved & reasonable, but he loves to catch everyone off guard with his own mischievous streak

No one ever expects him to work alone, so he’s able sneak up on everyone. He usually only does this if he notices they’re feeling down & need to be cheered up

Those 2 are trapped in a perpetual prank war/tickle fight. The cycle of revenge goes round & round with no end in sight

Heron never really got to have many tickle fights growing up, & when he admitted such, Evios & Alexia were so ready to wreck him. They heard that & saw this 🎯 but they bit off more than they could chew because he was READY for this & was so excited to finally get to play like this. & he’s stronger than both of them combined, which he was using to his advantage & it just wasn’t fair! (Oh but 2 against 1 is?) but he’s like the only person who starts tickle fights & can actually win them most of the time

He is a fucking mean cheater & will use his lightning powers when he’s tickling someone & sends tiny little ticklish zaps through their body. No one expected this method to work best on Kofi, but something about the way it buzzes under his skin makes him wanna die in a good way!

His favorite targets are Alexia & Evios. He knows not to mess with Kofi because he has years of practice fending off the rabid tickle monster that is Evios

Every tickle monster has to face the consequences of their actions, & he’s tied with Heron for everyone’s favorite lee. But it’s usually motivated by revenge for a prank he pulled, or teaching him a lesson for being so sassy. Or just because he’s Evios

He’s the only one who knows all of Kofi’s worst spots, & every time he wants him to do something for him, he’ll blackmail him by threatening to spill one of his spots. Kofi’s gotten to the point where he’s like “wait, you’re more ticklish than me. I don’t care” (spoiler, he cares once someone gets their hands on him) but yeah that’s how Heron & Alexia found out about his armpits & thighs they found out about his feet without help

Zeus would try to bond & get to know him in between training, & at first Heron’s really resistant to the idea, but he grows more open to it when he realizes he actually means well. Zeus can tell that his son is still awkward & distant from him & after a few failed attempts at a joke, he resorts to “desperate measures” & really “it’s his right” as his father to be able to bond with Heron & act a little goofy. There’s a war on the horizon, & just in case anything happens, he wants to make sure that Heron has some genuinely fond memories of him. & not just when he was in disguise while he was growing up

Like after that really intense training session where Heron kinda got his ass kicked by the giant mechanical guardian, Zeus felt pretty guilty for putting him through the wringer like that

Heron gets way more flustered & huffy if any of the gods tickle him because he already knows they probably look down on him even if they say they don’t, & it just make their teases hit really close to home

Sucks for him because his new half brothers are fucking Hermes & Apollo. & we can see how nice & accepting they are with him despite Heron’s own feelings of inadequacy & insecurity. They just want to get to know him & see what he’s really like when he’s not on guard or putting on a front just because they’re gods. They’re his brothers, & they want to get to know him on that level. So obviously they have to terrorize him

Hermes was the first one to find out since he’s the closest with Heron & the most mischievous. But either by himself or because Apollo dared him to, he put on the invisibility cloak or whatever it is & sneak up on him. So he waited until Heron thought he was alone to strike, & the squeal he got in return was fucking priceless

Hermes & Apollo are pretty in tune with Heron’s emotions & know when he needs to be cheered up, & just the way to do it

They think they’re being nice by including him, but tbh they’re such fucking bullies (affectionate) If Heron’s anywhere near them, he literally won’t get a moment’s peace. They’ll follow him like a puppy just to annoy him because they KNOW he’s a pretty patient person, they just wanna see how long it takes before he snaps

Heron is lowkey nervous & awkward around them, & the first time a tickle fight broke out in front of him, he tried to stay as far away as possible. Athena noticed & is like “I know what you’re doing & it won’t work. If they want to, they’ll drag you down with them” & Heron genuinely thinks they’re too busy messing with each other to notice him, & yeah they SAY he’s their brother, but he’s still pretty self conscious about that sort of thing, so he can’t tell if they actually mean it or not. So he brushes her off like “thanks, but I think I’ll be safe. They seem pretty busy” & she’s just like “okaaay don’t say I didn’t try to warn you”

Cue Heron running for his life across the training field screaming for help while Hermes & Apollo hunt him down like a pack of wolves, taunting him the whole time (I’m SO tempted to write something like this)

Gotta include Seraphim cause he’s just the saddest boy ever & could really use a good round of cheering up

He didn’t even know he was ticklish until he met Gorgo. She found out while tending his wounds & he was really defensive & nervous at first, demanding to know what she did. She just giggled & asked if he was ticklish, & when he responded with nothing but confusion, she decided to “teach” him what it was

He’s all for revenge tickles, so just beware if you even think about it. But it’s different with her, he’s really gentle & playful with her

Ok so out of the main group, I think Evios would be the most ticklish because anyone with that much attitude has to have a weakness. Can’t decide if Heron or Alexia is more ticklish, so I’ll call it a tie

Heron’s worst spots are his feet, hips, belly & since he got his powers, his hands got added to the list (the first time he found out was armwrestling Kofi & he lowkey freaked out because his hand did NOT feel like this before) but the dude’s basically ticklish everywhere

Alexia’s spots are her back, neck/ears, sides & knees. She’s moderately ticklish all over, but those spots are killer for her

Evios is most ticklish on his belly, armpits, ribs, & neck/ears

Kofi is most ticklish on his feet, armpits, thighs & belly

Seraphim’s worst spots are his armpits, ribs, hips & feet. He shares a few tickle spots with his brother because I’m cheesy like that

Wow that was a lot, hope y’all enjoy! Just lmk if you wanna hear more about them, Seraphim or the gods! (Please specify what fandom if you’re talking about the gods, my interpretations vary depending on the source, but I’d be down to do the gods for both boz & epic)

[layce2015]

Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Point Of No Return

Masterlist pt 1

Masterlist pt 2

Dean packs away his belongings in a box, including his leather jacket, his keys, his gun, and a letter. It had been a couple of days since Dean broke up with (y/n) and turned his back on this mission. He just had about enough of this crap.

He marks the box for Robert Singer after he tapes it shut. Dean walks up to the dresser in front of mirror and pours himself a drink and raising the glass to his lips. "Sending someone a candy-gram?" Sam asked, causing Dean to pause before he could take a sip.

Dean turn to look at him, shocked. "How'd you find me?" He asked. "You're going to kill yourself, right?" Sam asked, trying not to sound bitter. "Is that why you broke (y/n)'s heart and left her behind?" Sam asked, trying to hold back anger. "I'm not going to kill myself." Dean said. "No? So Michael's not about to make you his Muppet?" Sam asked and Dean shakes his head and took a swig of his drink.

"What the hell, man? This is how it ends? You just...walk out?" Sam asked. "Yeah, I guess." Dean muttered, pouring himself another drink. "How could you do that?" Sam asked. "How could I?" Dean asked, slamming the bottle of alcohol back on the dresser as he stares at his brother sharply. "All you've ever done is run away." He spat at his younger brother.

"And I was wrong. Every single time I did!" Sam exclaimed, Dean stares back. "Just...please. Not now. Bobby is working on something." Sam pleads. "Oh, really? What?" Dean asked, moving back over to the bed but Sam doesn't respond.

"You got nothing and you know it." Dean said, he scoffs and takes a sip of his drink. "You know I have to stop you." Sam muttered. Dean sniffs and sets his glass on the box, not finishing it. "Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You're not all hopped up on demon blood this time." He said.

"Yeah, I know. But I brought help." Sam said. Dean turns around to find Castiel standing behind him. Before he could react, Castiel touches his fingers to Dean's forehead, knocking him out. 

After returning to Bobby's house, Sam and Bobby were reading through books. Castiel leans against the doorway the leads into the kitchen, watching Dean pace like hawk. "Yeah, no, this is good. Really. You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight's when the magic happens." Dean said, sarcastically. "You ain't helpin'." Bobby said. "Yeah, well, why don't you let me get out of your hair, then?" Dean asked, Bobby look up from his book to stare at him.

Suddenly, Ariel appears and she stomps over to Dean and slaps him. "What the hell happened to you? Why did you hurt (y/n)?" She asked him, angrily, while Sam, Cas and Bobby look on in shock. Dean shakes his head slightly at this then turns to face Ariel. "Reality happened. Nuclear's the only option we have left. Michael can ice the devil, save a boatload of people." Dean replied. "But not all of them. We gotta think of something else." Ariel said.

"Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say. But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That's on me!" Dean yelled. "So you are just gonna give up and turn on the people who love you?" Ariel said as she gestures to Bobby, Sam and Cas. "To the woman who loves you with all of her heart?" She asked. "What I did to (y/n) was to protect her!" Dean yells at Ariel. 

“You call that protection? She never asked you to protect her, you made that decision for her. You hurt her in a way that’s unforgivable and unfair to her. You think it was out of love but in reality it was selfish.” Ariel said and Dean looks at her offended. “Selfish?” He repeated, angrily. “You left her behind in tears not because you didn’t want her getting hurt. You left her because you didn’t want to risk the pain of losing her. YOU didn’t want to get hurt!” Ariel exclaimed and Dean glares at her. “You didn’t respect her or believe she was capable enough to fight along side us.” Ariel yelled as she steps closer to him. “You don’t know a damn thing!” Dean shouted. 

“I know that you’re being a selfish coward!” Ariel shouted back, her eyes glowing blue as her shadowy wings appeared, spreading out to make herself appear larger and more threatening. Dean, cautiously, steps back as he stares at the angry archangel right in front of him. Sam and Bobby look at the wings in amazement, while Cas steps froward. “Ariel.” He said, warningly. 

Ariel closes her eyes and calms down, her wings disappearing. When she opens her eyes, they're back to her vessel’s normal blue eyes. “And now you’re giving up. I used to respect that you were so resilient…but I can see now that I was wrong.” Ariel spat at him and Dean glares at her then turns his head away from her.

"Well, Ariel's right. You can't give up, son." Bobby said. Dean scoffs, shaking his head as he looks towards the floor. "You're not my father." He said, raising his head to look at Bobby, who stares back at him heartbroken. "And you ain't in my shoes." Dean said.

Bobby looks down, Sam turns to glare at Dean. When Dean looks over at Sam, Sam shakes his head at him. Bobby pulls out a gun out of his desk and sets it on the table. He takes a bullet out of his pocket and looks at it. "What is that?" Dean asked.

"That's the round that I mean to put through my skull." Bobby replied, setting the bullet down on his desk in front of him. "Every morning, I look at it. I think, Maybe today's the day I flip the lights out. But I don't do it. I never do it. You know why? BECAUSE I PROMISED YOU I WOULDN'T GIVE UP!" Bobby yells, angrily. Dean and Bobby stare at each other, no one saying anything. Then suddenly Castiel and Ariel grasp their heads and hunch over in pain. "Guys, you okay?" Sam asked, worried. "No." Castiel and Ariel replied, gasping.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked. "Something's happening." Ariel groans. "Where?" Dean asked. The two angels disappear and caused a gust of wind to throw papers around the room. 

Later, Sam and Dean went into the kitchen and Sam looks over at his older brother. "You know...when (y/n) called me to tell me what you did. She barely could get her words out. I asked where she was and she was able to get that out and Cas got me to her." Sam said and Dean clenches his jaw at this.

"Sam..." he mutters, exasperated. "No, Dean, quit making excuses! I know you thought what you did was right but Ariel’s right, what you did was selfish!" Sam said. “Not you too.” Dean grumbled, looking up at the ceiling tired. “Did you even know what you did? You took away her choices and pick what you think is best for her. That’s controlling and possessive.” Sam said.

“Oh it is?” Dean asked. “Yes it is! (Y/n) is a person not a piece of property. She has needs and as her boyfriend it’s your job to respect them and try to fulfill them.” Sam said. “What, you’re some relationship expert now, huh? No offense but I don’t really want advice from the guy who’s had every relationship with a woman end poorly.” Dean said and Sam glares back at him when another gust of wind blows papers around and Castiel and Ariel appear with a body.

"Help." Cas said and the two angels lay the body down on the cot right as Sam and Dean ran in from the kitchen. They look at the body and freeze when they saw it was Adam.

Bobby wheels himself over to the cot to look at him. "Who is it?" He asked. "That's our brother." Sam replied. "Wait a minute. Your brother? Adam?" Bobby asked, astounded. "Guys, what the hell?" Dean asked, turning to the angels who place two angel blades on the desk. "Angels." Ariel said.

"Angels? Why?" Sam asked. "I know one thing for sure. We need to hide him now." Castiel said, walking over to Adam and placing his hand to his chest. He brands the Enochian symbols on Adam's ribs to hide him from angels. This also cause Adam to wake up from the pain and sit up startled looking around.

"Where am I?" He asked. "It's okay. Just relax, you're safe." Sam assured him. "Who the hell are you?" Adam asked. "You're going to find this a little...a lot crazy, but we're actually your brothers." Dean said and Adam gives him a look of disbelief. "It's the truth. John Winchester was our father, too. See, I'm Sam..." Sam started to say, but Adam talked over him. "Yeah, and I'm sure that's Dean. I know who you are." Adam said then he looks around, as if he was looking for someone.

"Isn't there supposed to be a girl with you?" He asked and Dean turns his head away, upset. "She's not here right now. But...how do you know who we are?" Sam asked after everyone gave Adam a look of astonishment. "They warned me about you." Adam said. "Who did?" Dean asked. "The angels. Now where the hell is Zachariah?!" Adam asked.

After letting Adam clean himself up, they all sat down to figure out what's going on. "So why don't you just tell us everything? Start from the beginning." Dean said. "Well, I was dead and in Heaven. 'Cept it...it uh, kinda looked like my prom and I was making out with this girl, her name was Kristin McGee..." Adam explained, smiling a little. "Yeah, that sounds like heaven. Did you get to third base?" Dean asked. Sam clears his throat, shooting Dean a look. "Just uh, just keep going." Sam said to Adam.

"Well, these...these angels, they popped out of nowhere, and they tell me that I-I'm chosen." Adam said. "For what?" Sam asked. "To save the world." Adam replied. "How you gonna do that?" Dean asked. "Oh, me and some archangel are going to kill the devil." Adam said, nonchalantly.

"What archangel?" Dean asked, confused. "Michael. I'm his uh, sword or vessel or something, I don't know." Adam said and Dean scoffs. "Well, that's insane." He said. "Not necessarily." Ariel said. "How do you mean?" Dean asked, looking over his shoulder at the angel. "It sounds like they're moving on from you, Dean." Ariel said.

"Well that doesn't make sense." Dean said. "He is John Winchester's bloodline, Sam's brother. It's not perfect, but it's possible." Castiel explained. "Well you gotta be kidding me." Dean grumbled. "Why would they do this?" Sam asked. "They're desperate. They wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them." Ariel said as she gives Dean a hard look.

"Alright, you know what? Blow me, Ariel." Dean growled. Castiel stares back, confused, while Ariel looks at him in, shock horror. "Excuse me?!" She exclaims but Sam speaks up, trying to avoid another fight. "Look, no way. After everything that's happened? All that crap about destiny? Suddenly the angels have a Plan B? Does that smell right to anybody?" Sam asked.

"You know this has been a really moving family reunion, but uh, I got a thing, so..." Adam said, standing up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Sit down. Just listen, okay? Please." Sam pleaded, stopping him. Adam stares at him and shakes his head then sits back down. "It's unbelievable." He muttered. "Now, Adam...the angels are lying to you. They're full of crap." Sam said. "Yeah, I don't think so." Adam said. 

"Really. Why not?" Sam asked. "Um, 'cause they're angels." Adam replied. "They tell you they were gonna roast half the planet?" Sam asked. "They said the fight might get pretty hairy, but it is the devil, right? So we got to stop him." Adam said.

"Yeah, but there's another way." Sam said. "Great. What is it?" Adam asked. "We're working on the power of love." Dean said and Sam glares at him. "How's that going?" Adam asked. "Mmm. Not good." Dean said, smiling.

"Look, Adam...You don't know me from a hole in the wall, I know. But I'm begging you. Please, just trust me. Give me some time." Sam said. "Give me one good reason." Adam said. Sam thinks for a moment. "Because we're blood." He said and Adam glares at him. "You've got no right to say that to me." He spat, making Sam look at him confused.

"You're still John's boy." Bobby reminded him. "No, John Winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. I don't have a dad. So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she's the one I give a rat's ass about, not you." Adam explained. "Fair enough. But if you have one good memory of dad, just one, then you'll give us a little more time. Please." Sam pleaded.

That night, Sam enters the kitchen and catches Adam trying to sneak out. "Going somewhere?" Sam asked. Adam stops making a frustrated gesture and turn around to face him. "Out for a...beer." He said, pointing to the door, and Sam claps his hands. "Great. We got beer. Have a seat." Sam said, going to the fridge. "Great." Adam grumbled, walking over to the table and taking a seat.

"You know, you pitched this whole dewy-eyed bromance thing, but the truth is, I'm on lockdown, aren't I?" He asked. "Adam, you may not believe it, but dad was trying to protect you. Keeping you from all of this." Sam said, as he walks over to the table, setting two beers in front of him and Adam then taking a seat next across from Adam.

"Yeah well, I guess the monster that ate me didn't get that memo." Adam said. "You remember that?" Sam asked. "Oh yeah." Adam replied. "Still, trust me. The one thing worse than seeing dad once a year was seeing him all year." Sam said.

"Do you know how full of crap you are?" Adam asked and Sam gives him a stunned look. "What?" He asked. "Really. You see, it was me and it was my mom. That's it. She worked the graveyard shift at the hospital. I cooked my own dinners. I put myself to bed. So you can say whatever you want about our dad, but the truth is, I would have taken anything." Adam explained and Sam nods his head a little. 

"Alright?" Adam asked. "Look, if we had known we had a brother..." Sam started to say. "Well, you didn't, so..." Adam spat. "We would have found you." Sam said. Adam scoffs and shakes his head. "Look, I can't change the past. I wish I could. But from here on out..." Sam said. "What? We gonna hop in the family truckster? Pop on down to Wally World?" Adam said, sarcastically, and Sam chuckles, lightly, at this. "Tell you one thing, with an attitude like that, you would have fit right in around here." Sam said.

In the basement, Dean was locked up in the panic room. He paces around, annoyed, when the door opens and Castiel and Ariel walk in. Dean turns around just as Ariel steps aside to reveal (y/n) standing behind her.

Suddenly, Dean felt his heart break as he sees her. Her eyes still looked a bit red and she had her arms folded across her chest, glaring at Dean. "Why don't you guys go help Sam to keep an eye on Adam? Dean and I need to talk." (Y/n) said, her voice sounding hoarse.

"You sure?" Ariel asked her and (y/n) nods and the two angels leave, shutting the door behind them. The duo stare at each other for a moment before Dean decides to try and lighten the mood as the air was thick with tension. "Well, (y/n), not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that...I got laid." He said as he points at her glaring face.

(y/n) scoffs at this but Dean could've sworn he heard a bit of amusement and laugh as she did this. Almost like she was hiding her laughter. Dean frowns slightly as (y/n) paces back and forth.

"Look, I know you're pissed..." Dean said and she scoffs again. "Understatement of the freakin' century." (Y/n) said, in harsh sarcasm. "But this..." Dean said, gesturing to the panic room. "Isn't really necessary." He finished. "Well, we got our hands full, Dean...A house full of flight risks from what Sam told me." (y/n) said. "I'm not letting him do it." Dean said. "Who, Adam? No, I'm...I'm not, either. And neither is Sam." (y/n) said. "No, you're not getting me." Dean said, turning away.

"Oh, no, no, I get you perfectly. But I'm not letting you do it, either." (Y/n) said, in a harsh voice. Dean sighs then takes a seat on a table in the room. "That kid's not taking a bullet for me." He said. "Dean..." (y/n) said, exasperated. "I'm serious. I mean, think about how many people we've gotten killed, (y/n). Mom, Dad, your Mom and Dad, Jess, Jo, Ellen. Should I keep going?" Dean asked her. "It's not like we pulled the trigger." (Y/n) argued.

"We might as well have. I'm tired, (y/n). I'm tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be." Dean said. "Well, do you think maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change? Maybe we could actually stick together?" (Y/n) yells at him, angrily. "I don't think so." Dean mutters, sadly. "Why not? Dean, seriously. Tell me. I-I want to know." (y/n) said and Dean sits there, staring at her then turns his head away from her. "Don't you dare shut down on me! Talk to me, please!" (Y/n) pleaded.

"I just...I-I don't believe." Dean said. "In what?" (y/n) asked. Dean looks at (y/n), brokenly. "In Sam." He said. (Y/n) turns her head away, not wanting to hear that. "I mean, I don't. I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but...I do know they're gonna find a way to turn him." Dean said. "So you're saying Sam's not strong enough." (y/n) said, questionably. "He's angry, he's self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear him to the prom, (y/n). It's just a matter of time." Dean said.

(Y/n) shakes her head at this. "Don't say that. Not you...of all people. I mean, this is your own brother!" (Y/n) said, tearfully. "I don't want to. But it's the truth. And when Satan takes him over, there's got to be somebody there to fight him, and it ain't gonna be that kid. So, it's got to be me." Dean said.

"Dean, c'mon..." (y/n) said. "Well, what else you want me to say, (y/n)!" Dean shouts at her. “I want you to say you’re not going to leave!” (Y/n) shouted back and Dean stares at her. “The Dean I know would never agree to heaven’s plans. Never agree to be possessed by some dick archangel and fight Sam to the death.” (Y/n) said, getting angry.

Dean stares at her for a moment, then looks down. “I guess that Dean is long gone.” He mutters. (Y/n) looks at him, her eyes watering up a little. “I miss him.” She whispered and Dean nods, continuing to look at the ground.

That night, Adam was laying on the cot, asleep, and Castiel and Ariel watch him closely while Bobby and Sam sit in the living room area. At that point, they hear the basement door open and they turn their heads to see (y/n) coming in. "How's he doing?" Bobby asked and (y/n) shrugs and scoffs.

"How you doing?" Sam asked her and she nods slightly. Castiel and Ariel turn and walk to the basement door, heading downstairs. "I could be better." She sighs and takes a seat next to Sam. "Did he say anything? Like why he's suddenly changing his mind on this?" Sam asked her and she gives him a sympathetic look.

"He did but...I don't think you're gonna like what he said." She said and Sam's face turns serious. "What did he say?" He asked and (y/n) swallows before she goes to say what Dean said.

Meanwhile, Castiel and Ariel make their way down stairs when they heard a crash and the duo go to the panic room door. "Dean?" Cas calls out but no answer then they enter the room. "Dean?" Ariel calls out. "Cas. Ariel." Dean said as he stands by a cabinet with an angel banishing sigil drawn on the inside of it.

He presses his hand to it, sending Castiel and Ariel away  screaming, then Dean escapes.

*(y/n)'s POV*

Sam and I went down to the basement to check on Dean, Castiel and Ariel only to discover the panic room was open and a angel banishing sigil was painted on the locker door. We ran back upstairs to the library, grabbing our jackets.

"Where's Cas and Ariel?" Bobby asked. "Blown to Oz." Sam replied. "Look, we'll get Dean. He couldn't have gone too far. Just watch Adam." I said. "How? You may have noticed, he's got a slight height advantage." Bobby said. "Then cuff him to your chair. I don't know. Just watch him." I said and we leave to look for Dean.

Unfortunately, we were unable to find him, so we return to Bobby's where he told us Adam was gone. "Bobby, what do you mean, Adam is gone?" Sam asked him. "Should I say it in Spanish?" Bobby asked, sarcastically. "He's gone how? What the hell, Bobby?!" I asked, spreading my arms out in frustration. "Watch your tone, girl. He was right in front of me, and he disappeared into thin air." Bobby said.

There was a gust of wind follow by the sound of flapping wings and Castiel and Ariel appear carrying a bloody and battered Dean between them as paper falls down around them. "Because the angels took him." Castiel said.

"Oh God, what the hell happened to him?" I asked as I run to Dean and cup his face. Despite that he broke my heart, I do still care about him. "Us." Ariel replied as she gestures between her and Cas.

"What do you mean, the angels took Adam? You branded his ribs, didn't you?" Bobby asked as he looks over at Cas. "Yes. Adam must have tipped them." Castiel said. "How?" Bobby asked. "I don't know. Maybe in a dream." Castiel said. "Well, where would they have taken him?" Sam asked.

We take Dean back down to the panic room where we handcuffe him to a cot. Sam and I sit down and wait for Dean to wake. When he did, he jerk on the handcuff discovering his situation and turn his head to see us.

"How you feeling?" Sam asked as Dean sits up on the cot. "Word to the wise: don't piss off the nerd angels. So how's it going?" Dean asked. "Adam's gone. The angels have him." Sam said. "Where?" Dean asked.

"The room where they took us." I replied, remembering Zachariah kidnapping me and placing me in that room just because I was looking for Sam. "You sure?" Dean asked. "Cas did a re-con." I said. "And?" Dean asked. "And the place is crawling with mooks...Pretty much a no-shot-in-hell, hail-Mary kind of thing." Sam said. "Ah, so the usual. What are you guys going to do?" Dean asked.

"For starters...we're bringing you with." Sam said, getting up and walking over to Dean. "Excuse me?" Dean asked, confused. "There are too many of them. We can't do it alone. And uh, you're pretty much the only game in town." I said, unlocking Dean's handcuffs and releasing him. I walk back over to Sam and toss the key on the desk. "Isn't that a bad idea?" Dean asked. 

"Cas, Ariel and Bobby think so. We're not so sure." Sam said, nodding between me and him. "Well, they're right. Because either it's a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it's not a trap and I'm gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I'll do it. Fair warning." Dean said. "No, you won't. When push shoves, you'll make the right call." Sam said. "You know, if tables were turned...I'd let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here." Dean said.

"Yeah, well...I guess I'm not that smart." Sam said. "I-I don't get it. Guys, why are you doing this?" Dean asked us, confused. "Because...you're still my big brother." Sam replied. Dean stared at him stunned, then looks over at me. "Even though, you can be an ass sometimes, I still care about you." I said, bitterly, as I fold my arms and Dean gives me a look that I could see is full regret then he looks down.

Cas and Ariel palce us outside to what looked like an abandoned warehouse. "Where the hell are we?" Dean asked. "Van Nuys, California." Castiel asked. "Where's the beautiful room?" I asked. "In there." Castiel said as he nods to the warehouse. "The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California?" Dean asked. "Where'd you think it was?" Castiel asked. "I-I don't know. Jupiter? A blade of grass? Not Van Nuys." Dean said. "I thought it was some dining room in Heaven." I said and Ariel chuckles and shakes her head.

"Tell me again why you two don't just grab Adam and shazam the hell out of there." Sam said to Castiel. "Because there are at least five angels in there." Ariel replied. "So? You guys are fast." I said. "They're faster." Castiel said, undoing his tie to take it off and wrap it around his palm. "Ariel and I'll clear them out. You three grab the boy. This is our only chance." He said as he and Ariel turn towards the door of the warehouse.

"Whoa, wait. You two gonna take on five angels?" Dean asked. "Yes." Castiel and Ariel replied. "Isn't that suicide?" Dean asked. "Maybe it is. But then I won't have to watch you fail. I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam and (y/n) does." Castiel said and a tinge of regret passes over Dean's face. "I used to but....I'm not so sure now." Ariel said as Castiel pulls a box cutter out of his trench-coat pocket.

"What the hell are you gonna do with that?" I asked him and Castiel hands Ariel the box cutter. The two share a look before Cas nods at her and she uses the box cutter to carve an angel-banishing sigil into his chest. Then the two go inside the warehouse.

We waited outside until we heard the sound of angels being banished, which was a pretty good sign that we can go in now. Dean went on in ahead and after a while Sam and I enter the warehouse.

On our way to the box in the center of warehouse, we found saw one slain angel on a floor and an angel blade with blood on it. I pick up the blade and we enter the room, seeing Dean holding Adam up with Zachariah in front of them.

"Dean, please. Did you really think it would be that easy?" Zachariah asked. "Did you?" Dean asked. Sam and I came at Zachariah from behind with our angel blades. But Zachariah knock out blades out of our hands and sent us flying across the room, crashing into a divider.

"Sam! (Y/n)!" Dean yelled. "You know what I've learned from this experience, Dean? Patience." Zachariah said. He waves his hand and Adam falls to the floor, coughing up blood. "Adam?" Dean said, concerned, then he turns to Zachariah. "Let him go, you son of a bitch." Dean growled. 

"I mean, I thought I was downsized for sure. And for us, a firing...pretty damn literal. But I should have trusted the boss man. It's all playing out like he said...You, me, your hemorrhaging brothers." Zachariah said. He turns his fist in our direction, causing Sam to cough up blood like Adam. 

"Sam?" I said, worried, as I place my hands on his shoulders. "You're finally ready, right?" Zachariah asked. Dean looks from Zachariah to Sam and I, then to Adam who was lying on the floor, still coughing up blood. "Okay then..."Zachariah said then his raises his left hand out and, suddenly, it was like his hand was a magnet and I was a piece of metal as I fly towards him and Zachariah grabs my neck.

Then he proceeds to squeeze my neck, making me gasp for air. "No! Let her go! Leave her alone!" Dean yells, fearfully. "You know there's no other choice. There's never been a choice." Zachariah said. "Stop it. Stop it right now!" Dean said, tearfully. "In exchange for what?" Zachariah asked as he squeezes my neck tighter and at this point I was gasping for air while Sam and Adam continue to cough up blood.

"Damn it, Zachariah. Stop it, please. I'll do it." Dean said and Zachariah loosens his grip on my neck and I was able to breath a bit better. "I'm sorry. What was that?" Zachariah asked, holding his right hand up to his ear. "Dean...don't..." I gasped out in a raspy voice.

"Okay, yes. The answer is yes." Dean said. "Dean." Sam said, painful. "Please...don't." I said but Dean continues. "Do you hear me? Call Michael down, you bastard!" Dean exclaimed and Zachariah lowers me down as he continues to stare at Dean, shocked.

"How do I know you're not lying?" Zachariah asked him. "Do I look like I'm lying?" Dean asked. Zachariah stares at him for a moment then tosses me aside and I fall on my side then cough and gasp for air. "(Y/n)..." I hear Sam said as he crawls over to me and gives me a look that asks ​Are you okay? I nod to him as I cough again and Zachariah turns and speaks in Enochian, summoning the archangel Michael. "Zodiredo...noco...aberamage...nazodpesade..." 

Sam and I give Dean, a questioning look while Dean looks at us, brokenly. "He's coming." Zachariah said, smiling. At that moment, Dean then smirks and winks at us and I furrow my brow, in confusion, at him. The room started shaking, causing the chandelier to chime.

"Of course, I have a few conditions." Dean said and Zachariah turn to look at him. "What?" He asked, confused. "The few people whose safety you have to guarantee before I say yes." Dean said. "Sure, fine. Make a list." Zachariah said. "But most of all...Michael can't have me until he disintegrates you." Dean said.

"What did you say?" Zachariah asked. "I said...before Michael gets one piece of this sweet ass...he has to turn you into a piece of charcoal." Dean said and Zachariah laughs. "You really think Michael's gonna go for that?" He asked.

"Who's more important to him now? You...or me?" Dean asked then Zachariah lunges at Dean, grabbing him by the front of his jacket. "You listen to me. You are nothing but a maggot inside a worm's ass. Do you know who I am...after I deliver you to Michael?" He asked. "Expendable." Dean replied, smugly. "Michael's not gonna kill me." Zachariah said, grinning. "Maybe not. But I am." Dean said then he stabs an angel blade, which he must've had hidden in his sleeve, into Zachariah's head through his chin.

Zachariah explodes into a bright light causing Dean to fall to the ground and then Zachariah lays on the ground, dead, with his wings burned onto the floor and wall.

White light and the ear-piercing noise that was getting louder indicated to us that Michael was coming. "Can you walk?" Dean asked Adam, helping him up. "Yeah." Adam replied. "Okay, come on." Dean said, running over to Sam and I. Dean helped us up and guided us to the door.

"Come on, move it!" Dean said to Adam, as we exit the room. The door slams shut behind us, leaving Adam locked inside. "NO! DEAN! HELP! IT WON'T OPEN!" Adam shouts and Dean leaves me and Sam on the ground and attempts to open the door from the outside but he is burned when he touches the knob.

"DEAN, HELP! DEAN!" Adam continued screaming. "Hold on! We'll get you out. Just hold on. Adam! Can you hear me?!" Dean asked but Adam doesn't respond. A bright white light illuminates from inside the room then it fades.

Dean test the doorknob then opens the door to find it an abandoned office. "Adam?" He called out, but he was gone. Dean looks around then looks over at Sam and I, lost for words.

Later, we steal a truck and were driving down a road at night. Dean was driving naturally, while Sam was in the passenger seat and I was stuck sitting in the middle between them. "You think Adam's okay?" Sam asked while I rubbed my neck. "Doubt it. Cas and Ariel either. But we'll get 'em." Dean said.

"So." I said, my voice still sounding a bit hoarse. "'So' what?" Dean asked. "I saw your eyes. You were totally rockin' the yes back there. So, what changed your mind?" I asked. "Honestly? The damnedest thing. I mean, the world's ending. The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you two and all I can think about is, these stupid son of bitches brought me here. I just didn't want to let either of you down." Dean said and I scoff, lightly. 

"You almost did. But you didn't." Sam said, holding up his index finger. "Who are you calling stupid?" I asked and I see the corner of his lips twitch up. "I owe you guys an apology." Dean said. "No, man. No, you don't." Sam said.

"Just...let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. That goes for you as well, princess. I think we all know that that's not either of you anymore. I mean, hell, if you two are grown-up enough to find faith in me...the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way." Dean said, firmly.

Sam and I smile confidently at Dean. "Sounds good." Sam said. "I'm always down to kick some ass." I said. Dean glances over at us and smirks.

Later, we made a stop to one of my safehouses, not the one Dean abandoned me at, and decided to rest there. But while the boys were asleep in the spare rooms, I was sitting out on the porch on the swing. I couldn't sleep so I decided to come out here and just look out at the beautiful view in front of me.

Just a large valley of green grass and some hills off in the distance, the inky starry night blankets the sky and the gentle cool breeze blowing through the air. I smile and take a sip of my bottle water when I hear footsteps and the door open.

I look over and see it was Dean. The two of us stare at each, an awkward silence loomed over us. "Hey..." he greets, softly. "Hey.." I said back, my voice sounding back to normal. "How's, uh...How's your neck?" Dean asked me and I rub it. "Well, besides having this handprint shaped mark on my neck for awhile, it's alright." I said and Dean nods.

"Which means I'm probably gonna have to wear a turtle neck sweatshirt to cover it up. And that sucks, I hate turtlenecks, they make my neck look fat." I said and Dean chuckles a bit. I smile alittle before I let out a sigh. Then Dean walks up to me and gestures to the spot on the swing next to me. "Is it okay, if I sit here?" He asked me. I nodded and he takes the spot and both of us sit there in silence for a moment, the awkward silence still looming over us.

"So..." He said.

"So..." I said, awkwardly, and we sit there for a moment then Dean sighs. "(Y/n), I am so, so, sorry for what I did..." he said and I close my eyes, hoping that'll keep any upcoming tears flowing, as I continue to listen to him. "It was a dick thing to do to you but I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to protect you and keep you away from the chaos that was going to happen." He said and I nod, slightly.

"But Ariel was right. I was being selfish and I took that choice away from you and I should've talked to you about it. I was being an idiot and a coward." He said and I open my eyes and turn to him. "You said it not me." I said, smiling a little, as he rolls his eyes at this. But he looks over at me and noticed me smiling and he gives a small smile before it fades.

"I-I know you put up alot with me and with everything going on, but I do want to say I am truly sorry about everything. And...if..." he stops and sighs, sounding like he was nervous on to say his next words. "I'd understand if you didn't want to be with me or around me again...so...if you want to leave, you can. I won't stop you." He said and I frown a bit at him as I notice his eyes were filling with tears.

"Dean..." I croaked then I felt tears building up in my eyes. I close them again and take in a deep breath then let it out, slowly, then I open my eyes again. "I'm not abandoning you. Like I said, I'm ready to kick this in the ass and help you boys any way that I can. But...us...I mean..." I said as I gesture between me and him. "What you did really hurt me and I was scared, confused, hurt and angry. I felt like the world had already collapsed." I explained and he nods, slightly, as some tears roll down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, tearfully. "I know you are, Dean. And I do appreciate your apology. But..." I said and I could see the look of fear on his face. "I-I need time to think about us. I think...for now at least...we need a break. So, I'll still be by your side its just...I'm gonna be getting my own room for awhile now." I said and he nods again. "Okay..." he whispered.

*3rd Person POV*

"I'm gonna go to bed." (Y/n) said and Dean nods. "Okay, I'll be in here in a minute." Dean said and (y/n) gives him a look before she nods and heads inside. Now all alone, Dean wipes away the tears then hunches over, places his hands over his head and let's out a heavy, shaky sigh.

"You stupid son of a bitch." He mutters to himself, berating himself. "You really screwed up now." Dean mutters and he runs his hands over his head back and forth. Then he sits up and looks out at nature view he has as fresh tears runs down his face. He wipes them away and huffs out a breath.

[shuunnico]

thoughts on elden ring and sote?

Elden Ring was my first From game. Despite this, I could see a lot of issues with the game from a design standpoint, having at least paid attention to previous Fromsoft games.

Shadow of the Erdtree is just Elden Ring turned up to 11, which exacerbates all the issues from the base game.

For context:

I beat a fresh save without using spirit summons. I only used NPC summons for Bael, Leda, Starscourge and Consort Radahn because of the quests involved.

Used a melee build; using Morning Star in a rush to beat Radahn and Mohg to unlock the DLC and get the Beast Claws, which I kept until the end.

After rushing Mohg (via the quest) and getting the Beast Claws, I went back and ran through the game from Limgrave normally. I beat every dungeon and boss in the game, then beat every boss/dungeon in Shadow of the Erdtree.

I'll mostly keep my comment to combat because, frankly, I could write an entire essay on what I thought of ER and the expansion.

A huge issue is that Fromsoft has been using the same formula since Demon Souls and this formula is stretched to the braking point in Elden Ring.

Because you're so limited in your options in combat, bosses are likewise limited in what they can do within that framework. From's only way to increase the difficulty now is to, essentially, cheat.

This is where all the odd timing, alien movement, arrested momentum and physics defying comes in. Instead of fighting the boss, you're fighting everything you know about character animation, physics and telegraphing.

In many cases, enemies will perform actions that, if you go into the fight blind, will very possibly kill you. Relanna's Twin Moon, Mohg's Nihil, Melania's Waterfowl Dance, etc. They tend to come out of nowhere, aren't intuitive to avoid and deal boatloads of damage that will often kill the player. It's not the player's fault that they get crushed by a move the boss pulls out without any way to possibly respond other than eat a ton of damage.

Then you're fighting to even see some bosses. The combination of the camera and particle effects ends up blinding the player so often. Why From continues to use the limited camera they do and THEN deploys bosses that force the camera to angle up, giving you a wonderful view of your character's ass and nothing else.

My issue with Fromsoft's combat isn't "oh it's too hard" because I got through the game with relative ease, with only a few bosses giving me trouble.

It's that From has started to run out of ways to get a square peg into a round hole. So they opt to start being unfair as a way to artificially inflate the challenge of boss fights, rather than develop a new system that allows for a more broad, fair range of challenge.

If Fromsoft wants to develop action games, they should develop a combat system that fits with an action game. They took a step in the right direction with Sekiro, but that was their most constrained game in the Souls-like fashion, rather than having it open builds like Dark Souls/Bloodborne/Elden Ring.

[bramble-mouse]

Kiss Me Goodnight, Not Goodbye

Fandom: Mafia: The Definitive Edition Characters: Borrower OC (Penelope “Spirit” Maymore), Paulie Lombardo Content Warning: Injuries, strong language, alcohol Word Count: 2700 A/N: Another commission of Penelope and Paulie for @64-jungle-planks ! The title is based on another jazz song. 

“Sonavabitch…”

The key turned, held fast by a shaking but stubborn hand. Paulie’s normally coiffed hair was a mess, loose from its boatload of usual pommade. He sported a black eye, a fat, split lip and a bloody nose, not to mention the many other cuts and bruises he’d picked up from today’s job. He and his boys had gotten out of there alive, having gained the upper hand. Those bozos what attacked ‘em were making good friends with the bottom of a lake now, and Paulie’s gun was short of half a dozen bullets. 

Paulie shouldered the door open and limped inside, dropping his hat and his coat on the ground in the entryway. He didn’t even bother with his shoes. He slammed the door shut behind him, locked himself in tight.

What the hell was he gonna say to her- to Spirit? He’d met that little lady half a year ago now at Salieri’s during a solo night watch and aside from popping back to grab a few things, she’d more or less made herself at home. He was aware of the old mouse hole she’d insisted on hauling up in, rather than the night stand he’d offered; there was a stubborn streak on that dame a mile wide that Paulie couldn’t help but like. 

Despite living in close quarters with mobsters for a good month, Penelope hadn’t had time to piece together exactly what the beans who owned the walls she lived in did. No- she’d been too damn busy grabbing their leftovers and surviving life as a rodent-sized person to bother. She’d never asked too much, and Paulie had dodged the question when she did.

“What do you do for a living?”

Paulie swore under his breath and considered going to Spirit’s mouse hole right away. The instinct had grown more immediate over the time he’d known her- and the comfort that little lady brought him after a rough day always took the edge off.

And yet his fuckin’ nerves. She would ask about his bruises, his cuts. Why he smelled like sweat and gunpowder rather than whiskey and tobacco smoke. Paulie’s stomach turned in knots as he wiped dried blood off his upper lip, felt the sting of it cracking inside his nose when his nostrils flared. 

Dark eyes drifted towards an unkempt kitchen. Last night’s pot for pasta and sauce sat in the sink full of murky water. A bottle of half empty whiskey (a rare bit of good stuff from across the pond he’d managed to snag) sat temptingly on the counter next to piled up plates and coffee mugs. He pursed his lips. 

Paulie entered the kitchen, grabbed the bottle and his last clean glass, filled it with ice and poured the amber liquid over. He took a deep swig and felt the sweet smokey burn of it. He liked Scottish whiskeys. They bit harder and made forgetting the hurts from a day all the easier. He lingered with his hand on the neck of the green toned bottle, brushing his thumb along the frosted glass. He could just drink the whole thing. Let everything melt away about those goons kickin’ his ass, make it easier for him to avoid the entire conversation he was about to have with Penelope because there was no damn way he was dodging this now. 

He took a deep breath, felt the anxiety roiling inside of him, coiled in his muscles and ready to spring. He left the bottle on the counter, hobbled out into the living room and collapsed onto the couch with a groan through gritted teeth.

“Paulie?”

That small voice. He thought about how Penelope sounded when she sang, the confidence and sweetness combined into a rich tone he could listen to for hours. Where did such a little woman get off outdoing most of the women his size he’d ever met, anyway? 

“...Jesus Mary n’ Joseph, Paulie!”

She gasped. He noted her presence on the coffee table, staring up the length of his body, her eyes wide with a mixture of concern and anger.

“What happened?”

Paulie let out a humourless chuckle. He raised his glass to his lips and took a swig. He winced when he felt a drop of whiskey get in his split lip.

“Fuck!”

He hissed.

“Just another day in paradise, sweetheart. Don’t I look even more handsome like this?”

Paulie snorted. 

“When are you gonna tell me what the hell has ya comin’ home with cuts and bruises all the damn time?”

Spirit insisted, her arms crossed.

“Ain’t none of your business.”

Paulie spoke curtly. His smile fell. 

“Bullshit! This is the worst shape you’ve been in yet while I’ve been here with you.”

Spirit snapped.

“I wanna know what the hell happened. And you’re gonna tell me this time!”

“I said,”

Paulie grit his teeth. The business of the day well up and his rocks glass went flying across the room, smashing into a wall. 

“It’s none of your fuckin’ business!”

He leaned forward. Paulie looked mean, angry in a way Penelope hadn’t ever seen. A part of her screamed to run, that he would kill her but instincts be damned. Penelope trusted that Paulie would never hurt her. She balled her hands into fists and stood her ground. She stared up at him, locking eyes and bit her tongue. She wanted to shout at him, call him a damn fool and an asshole for speaking to her like that. 

A minute of quiet ensued, human and borrower staring the other down. The clock ticked away. A car on the road outside honked its horn then sped away. The far away muttering of folks passing by on the sidewalk followed the rhythmic tic-tocking of the clock, the words too muffled to mean anything. Finally, Paulie of all people, backed down. His shoulders relaxed and he sat up.

Paulie’s heart sank. He felt like an ass. What had Penelope done to deserve his anger? Plenty of other jokesters at ‘work’ deserved it. They deserved a smack in the kisser, a good strong threat to keep’em in line.

But Penelope? His Spirit? 

He sank back in his chair and buried his head in his hands. There was glass on the floor now and an expensive, age-rated scotch wasted on old wooden floorboards.

“...Look, I...uh...”

Paulie said, his voice rough. He cleared his throat.

“I had a rough day is all. And...maybe I’ll tell ya what I do some day. But ya gotta understand, Spirit, I can’t just…”

“Shut it, Paulie”

Penelope cut him off.

“I’ll be back in a few. You move off this damn couch, you’ll get even more of an earful, got it?”

Paulie frowned and moved his hands from his eyes. Before he could catch a glance of the borrower again, she’d vanished seemingly without a trace. How was she so damn fast, he would never figure it out.

He took a deep breath, felt the anger in him subvert. Instead, he felt a pit of guilt yawn wide in his chest. Apologies were hard for the capo, almost impossible. Paulie rarely gave them to anymore- to anyone. He kicked his shoes off and let them drop onto the area rug, then swung his legs up to lay down on the couch. Paulie folded his hands atop his stomach and stared up at the ceiling. It was white- or had been once about a time. There were cracks that couldn’t be hidden by the fresh coat of paint the landlord had used to cover up the wear on the place when he’d moved it. Paulie didn’t give much of a damn anyhow how banged up his apartment was. This place was his. It had a kitchen, complete with an icebox. He had a bed to sleep in, though he’d always been far better friends with his couch. There was a radio, a telephone, a spot for a couple pictures of his ma, his childhood dogs before things went really sour. 

And now, there was Spirit. How long until he mucked things up with her? Maybe this was the final straw for her- and Paulie wouldn’t blame her one bit. He’d never had a knack for girls and even she was gonna be no exception. 

“Quite mopin’, Paulie..”

Penelope chided.

Paulie nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a tickle on his hand and realized the damn broad was standing on top of him, a bag over her shoulder.

“It’s called ‘broodin’, honey. Kids mope, men brood.”

The corner of Paulie’s lip pulled up into a clumsy smile.

“See, I like that better.”

Penelope countered.

“When you’re smilin’. Now sit still, I’m gonna patch you up.”

Patch him up? Paulie’s brows furrowed. At one time, he might have doubted she could. After watching her traverse his apartment on her own and knowing what a Jack of all trades Penelope was, he figured she could fill in for the good doctor just fine. Paulie nodded and rested his head on a throw pillow.

“Well, get me fixed up real pretty then, doctor.”

He hummed.

Penelope decided to start with his face, where the damage looked the worst. Whoever had done this to Paulie had been intentionally aiming for his head. There was vicious intent in every blow delivered to him. Anger rose again in her, but this time, it was solely reserved for the bastard that’d hurt Paulie. She wished she were bigger, that she could give back what the jerks had given but this was the hand she’d been dealt in life. Instead, Penelope could be better than any drink in the world for Paulie, to help take away that pain for a little while. She wanted it more than anything.

She scaled up across the broad plane of the man’s chest, covered in shirt, tie and vest. Even covered , she felt the power in the body below her. Paulie was strong and that was some comfort to her; the bloody knuckles Paulie sported proved he wasn’t the only one who’d gotten whupped today.

Penelope stopped atop Paulie’s throat. She felt his Adam’s Apple bob nervously below her, and heard his breathing nearly stop. She braced herself against the soft edge of his jaw and felt something hot and tingling shoot through her fingers, all the way to the pit of her stomach. He’d held her, sure. They’d joked around, teased- maybe even flirted a little over the past months. Paulie’s shoulder became her vantage point any time he was home with her. But this position, where she could feel Paulie’s pulse through her feet? She felt so close to him now, closer than Penelope had ever been with another living soul.

.Penelope lingered a moment longer, leaned against Paulie’s stubble pocked chin. She felt her frustrations for Paulie’s secretive nature regarding his work ebb- at least for now. She pulled herself up onto his face and found the first target- that split lip.

When Paulie felt that little hand brush his lower lip, he remained stock still- and felt his insides burst with colour and fire. Had he ever been touched on his mouth so tenderly before? He knew rationally that Penelope was just fixing him up. She would work whatever borrower magic she had to offer, maybe ointment or the world’s tiniest aspirin, and she’d move on.

“Do ya know how worried I was?”

Penelope said.

“Ya...ya have some nerve, waltzin’ in two hours later than ya said ya would, lookin’ like this. I...”

She swallowed. Paulie heard her voice waver. He remained still with her so close to his face like this. His gaze darted down in her direction and for what felt like the first time, he could make out details.

Penelope’s features were conflicted at the moment, frustrated and on the brink of tears, but God, she was so pretty. There was something about those soft, confident features that made his heart sing. Her brown eyes were like cinnamon, set behind her glasses. 

“I’m just glad you ain’t look worse. I...I care too much about you to see you hurt that way.”

Penelope’s words made Paulie tense, then relax. She could feel his frantic pulse as she reached into the bag she’d go to her mouse hole pad for. Inside was a home made paste every borrower learned how to make, the sort to help cuts heal up without infection; infection was always more dangerous than the initial wound for a borrower, a lone one especially.

“Oh, listen how sappy I’m gettin’, over a bean like you.”

“The tables turned now, ain’t they, Spirit?”

Paulie chuckled and spoke, careful not to open his lips much while she worked on them.

“Guess ya finally fell for my charm.”

Penelope remembered how he’d set her shoulder, the way he’d brought her ice and even tried to figure out painkillers for her those first few nights. Paulie had been so damn fretful over every little thing regarding her. How could a man that rough be so kind? Penelope knew better though, that there was no person who was only they appeared on the surface.. Paulie was a jerk who teased her into anger because he thought it was funny. He drank too much, spoke too loud, said stupid things. But he was also so gentle with her, rattled her bones with his laughter, called her pretty, brave and smart. 

“Paulie, I love you.”

She said, and it was as much revelation to her in that moment as it was to the capo she stood on.

Paulie couldn’t speak. Not after hearing those words he thought he’d never hear from a soul ever again. Not after ma. 

He wondered if this was a prank. If Penelope was getting him back for all the time he’d spent poking and prodding and flirting because she was hilarious when he pushed the right buttons.

But instead of saying something stupid, Paulie decided to put his mouth to better use. Those plush lips puckered, and a gentle hand pressed his Spirit’s little body against them. He felt the curves of her form against his body, hidden beneath trousers, suspenders, a comfortable collared shirt. He smelled her spice, something bright like lemons and chili peppers. Penelope leaned in, her body relaxing against Paulie’s mouth. He felt a tickle on his cupid’s bow- a borrower’s kiss back.

The kiss parted and Paulie sat up with a complaint of his stiff, battered body which he summarily ignored. He cupped Penelope in the dip of his hand and kissed her again, a soft brush of his lips against the side of her head. 

The borrower leaned back against the wall of Paulie’s calloused fingers. She reached for his thumb and kissed the tip of it. There was no need to hear the words ‘I love you’ from Paulie now, not before he was ready to find them himself. There was no mistaking the intent from his kiss. 

Spirit finished getting the beaten up bean’s hurts bandaged, stitched and cleaned before she insisted he have something to eat. They shared a dinner of reheated spaghetti (his ma’s recipe for the sauce), listened to a few tunes on the radio, and before Paulie could find the mind to stay up too late, Spirit scolded him into bed.

This time, he didn’t get in alone. The capo turned over under a mound of comforter to turn off the lamp but paused, arm extended. There was Spirit, in a long night shirt, laying on the pillow next to his head. His pupils dilated, his lips parting. Penelope smiled, scooted a bit closer. The neckline of her night shirt dipped down low with the first few top buttons undone, and Paulie could make out the suggestion of her breasts. He wondered how soft they were. Maybe he’d have to test that theory out quickly…

“Lights out, buster.”

Penelope arched a brow, as if she’d read his mind- or maybe she’d just noticed where Paulie was staring. 

Paulie chuckled. How on earth had he gotten this lucky? He flicked the switch on his bedside lamp and rested his hand at Penelope’s back, his thumb gently stroking her side. He buried the tip of his nose into her torso, smiling wide as the light from the streetlamp cast in slits across the bed through the blinds.

“Yes ma’am.”

[invinciblerodent]

Hhhnnnnngghhhh thinking about Ver's past

For the longest time, I was undecided on whether I want her "ex" of sorts, Adris (who was, long story short, first freed from indentured servitude by the Shadows, then joined them, and years later took the fall for a job gone wrong and was saved from execution only by a Grey Warden recruiter scouting in the prisons) to have survived the Joining.

Whether he was alive all those years at all, I always meant to be sort of a point of purposeful ambiguity, something for Ver to occasionally think about and gnaw on herself over, both a reason for her to be slightly wary of growing to care for someone (and of Wardens in general), and a reason for feelings of both guilt and inadequacy to cling to her shadow everywhere she went.

But now that I know what happens in-game, and how Warden-heavy the story actually is (including the Warden love interest working so damn well for her), I think I definitely want him to have survived, and I kinda want him to show up in passing, too. In Lavendel, as a Weisshaupt survivor. (Adris Lastname, the utter cockroach of a man that you are.)

Though they were roughly the same age, I think he and Ver always had this caretaker/charge type of underlying dynamic to them, with him depending largely on her for most of their time together: at first he was a duty, then a reluctant roommate, then her best friend, then sort of a lover, slash, messy queerplatonic something (port in a storm? partner in relieving stress? some kind of chew toy???), before all that went down, and he became more or less a stain on her conscience. (He was a painful memory far longer than he had been anything else, kinda.)

I really quite like the idea that the way she'd remember him would be as a scared, skinny, pale kid with little to his name besides a boatload of resilience, but now... they're a good eight years older than the last time they saw each other. (Which was ugly, and happened with him walking away from practically under the gallows, and her yelling, demanding to be recruited as well, only to be denied.)

Now, he has a couple new scars (maybe one matching the one on Ver's nose? that'd be cute, she's had that since before she even knew him), some fat on his ribs and muscle on his frame, some of that Grey Warden swagger, people looking to him for guidance and calling him Lieutenant, and he's... oddly happy, which really spins her wheels out.

And I was thinking, that meeting Adris (and realizing that he and Ver have that history, because I think they might know of each other at least) would then give Davrin reason to sort of decide to himself that, well, this must just be her style, right? Not the "going for elf Grey Wardens" thing, that's a coincidence, but that all their flirting, the talk about hunting and being hunted in turn, the almost-kiss, it doesn't mean that she' doesn't really do much in a way that's'd be serious, not really. It could give him a (bad) reason to think that by "I could see us heading somewhere, sure 😏", she moreso meant a loose, casual attachment, which he's like, totally fine with, as a Warden. (No, really. It's perfectly fine. Ideal, even, considering his rapidly approaching expiration date, and the way he'd been thinking about it all.)

(Nah, he absolutely doesn't catch himself searching for- and catching her gaze more often than it'd be necessary, or holding it a second too long. Or following her with his eyes, or fighting just that bit harder whenever she's looking. It's, like, fine. It's cool. They're so cool. Positively frosty. Never mind the deep understanding bordering on mind-reading, or the almost animal awareness crackling between them whenever they're in the same room.)

(Meanwhile, that same meeting will distract her with such intense relief that she fucking forgets to explain her past situationship to her current one that she actually wants to be her boyfriend, and it's just!!!! Agh.)

I just. Head in my hands, the simultaneously excellent, and absolute shit communication. The being fucking stupid about each other. Openness disguising an underlying ambiguity. Reluctance to make the first serious step. Weirdness. The "well yes, we sleep together semi-regularly, and that Moment in the Forest I GUESS could mean that we're, like, together, but I'd rather bite my tongue off than ask a followup question because if I misunderstood, I'm throwing myself into the raw Fade".

Ffffnnnnnnnngghhhh I'll need to replay Ver sooner than I thought I would, because the recordings alone do NOT give me Sufficient Context to careen off the edge about them properly. (I definitely need to add at least one big conversation between the starting of a relationship and the endgame confession-- maybe extending the little forest date one, or just tacking a followup onto it for later that night??? Ggggghhhhhhhhh.)

[ryttu3k]

BG3 update, exploring Reithwin, a new team member, to about midway through Moonrise Towers!

Little snippety bits, team banter, etc that I've smushed into one image because I have a limit here:

*eyeing that 'unknown elf' listing* Also I love how Astarion is genuinely bullshitting in the blood-taste bit because we know he hasn't been drinking thinking-peoples blood aside from enemies and, once, Tae.

Anyway. To Reithwin! Delightfully spooky, honestly, the atmosphere here is fun. Managed to talk three enemies to death - the tollkeeper (who reminds me of corrupted No Face in Spirited Away?), the absolute creep in the House of Healing, and, after the world's grosses drinking game, the bartender. More on the latter two later!

At the cemetery, we meet Arabella! Who has... picked up some new skills.

Of course she can stay at camp while we look for her parents!

Into the bar for the world's worst drinking game. Plus side, got a boatload of approval from Astarion, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel from it! And some... really nasty mental images!

"Really? Right in front of my drink?"

Stopping to camp for the night. Getting some much more genuine Astarion when asking if Cazador has other spawn. Larian let me hug him as a friend.

Karlach brings up the whole... Gale thing. Which I still feel bad about tbh.

On a more depressing note, telling Arabella about her parents hurts ;_; Apparently not everyone gets the scene that follows, so I'll include a Youtube link to it here! Man, given Withers'... everything, I have to wonder just what that destiny will involve!

Honestly, though, I goddamn adore him as a character. Even if he does warn Tae not to get distracted by Karlach XD;;

Not the only intriguing camp companion we have, apparently!

Speaking of companions, visiting the House of Healing and retrieving Art's lute allows us to progress with starting to end the shadow curse, and properly recruiting Halsin!

I really like when you can let companions speak for themselves, you get so much more lore, like letting Lae'zel speak at the creche.

Once Thaniel is restored, Halsin officially becomes a member of the Brainworm Squad, albeit minus a brainworm! The companions have assorted things to say about him (including Wyll calling him a 'thick hunk of an elf'), and Tae gets to know him better. He likes honey and knows it's funny! He likes whittling! He likes whittling ducks!

"I like ducks :)"

(Tae has officially decided he's their new grandpa now. The other companions have... less familial views, apparently!)

Back to the mission! Heading to the Thorm mausoleum, and oh dear, look what the cat dragged in...

After getting some good advice to skip the mausoleum until prompted to go there later, we turn back, and this time, make for Moonrise Towers itself! (Minus Halsin, with the narrator very helpfully reminding me that, hey, may not want to bring someone without a brainworm there.) Discover some... concerning cargo:

Yeah, we, uh, took the canister and now it's just. Sitting in the traveller's chest. What do we do with it?

Into Moonrise Towers, witnessing a group of goblins attempt to kill Ketheric and. Completely fail. That's concerning!! Tae is instructed to deal with the remaining goblins and opts to let them go, because who knows? Maybe they'll return the favour one day. Karlach hears from an old 'friend', Florenta the Garrotter, a cambion from her Avernus days, and gets given some soul coins (albeit with a story attached to each).

Lots and lots of concerning bits of evidence, all pocketed. Stuff on recruiting drow, shadow druids, goblins, et cetera, invasion plans for Baldur's Gate, and - what have we here? Collaboration between Ketheric Thorm and Gortash!

We meet Araj. We meet Tae's extreme urge to punch her in the face. We meet Astarion's genuine surprise and gratitude at someone giving him a choice on what he does with his body for possibly the first time in two hundred years I'm gonna fuckin' cry. Larian let me hug him as a friend, part two.

We meet Steelclaw. Steelclaw I would die for you. ...Can we recruit her for the final battle?

That done, time for a prison break!

I don't like him much. Barcus sweetie you can do so much better. The tieflings are much happier to see us! (Lia: "Oh, you clever bastard. I could kiss you!" Cal: "Not in front of me, please. I've suffered enough.")

After the successful prison break, it's time for a rest. Is it weird to find, like, a 'realistic' place for them to rest? I used that office/tower in the middle of the prison, in the upstairs bit, where anyone awake could watch out for anyone approaching. Anyway, Gale has set up a hologram kind of... thing to invite Tae somewhere, finding him in a Weave illusion and in a... very melancholy mood.

Understandably.

Was definitely concerned this would lead more romantic. Thankfully, the game allows it to be played completely platonically, which is good as! Gale is a friend! A friend who's hurting and terrified and needs support and anyway Gale haters can fight me.

Genuinely beautiful scene, and I absolutely got misty-eyed.

Fight me, Gale haters.

Back to Moonrise. We do some more exploring, finding the third part of the tale of Orpheus. Lae'zel is... not impressed in the slightest. We also meet Ketheric's dog :( And private chambers. And stuff relating to his dead wife, and their daughter, who I have definite suspicions about. (It's Isobel, right? Isobel is Ketheric's daughter, right? Don't tell me either way, but that definitely seems to be the vibe I'm getting.)

We meet with Disciple Z'rell, and get a new mission - go to the Thorm mausoleum, and retrieve the artefact for Thorm. Now we can go! Also, at the least, she seems to trust us?

Back to the Last Light for some happy reunions! Alfira is ecstatic to have Lakrissa back (who proceeds to flirt with Tae, Lakrissa please their girlfriend is standing right there), Barcus is so excited to see Wulbren again... who doesn't appear to feel the same way.

Do you think Barcus would mind overmuch if Tae stuffed Wulbren in their pack and threw him back in a cell? Just saying.

Then back to camp for a rest, and a conversation with Astarion that punches me in the emotions!!

Full scene (including the initial confrontation with Araj) available here. The options I picked were, "Why has she upset you so much?", "Have you even enjoyed having sex, in these last decades?", and "You aren't a slave any more, Astarion, you're free."

Anyway that scene emotionally kicked my ass and I still couldn't even hug him. Larian let me hug him as a friend, part three!

[weirdlet]

you know what, I have nothing better to do while waiting for background check and flailing nervously over 'can I do 9-5 and not crash', so I'm going to write up last week's session (this week's called on account of Halloween)

So! When last we left our bold heroes, we'd just spent two years of downtime growing into our home-base of Leilon. Our wizard studied, our former wizard ran the town council, our revenant ranger/rogue skulked about learning about his foes, our paladin ran her village, our barbarian formed the village police. Glory and Carver got married, and you can read that write-up here- Right around a year in, there was a visit from a boatload of giants, claiming Leilon as 'Little Mintarn' due to the massive influx of Mintarn peoples, and therefore a client state of 'Hogarth'(? my hearing sucks, I know that's not his name) the ancient red wyrm that demands tribute every few years. We tell them to fuck off, and spend the next year preparing. A few days after scheduled, the boat of giants arrives.

Carver, the now immensely powerful cleric, is on the other beach with civilians, handling that story-wise and making up the backup in case anything makes it to proper shore. Meanwhile, there's a series of little islands out in the bay that most ships have to pass to get into the harbor- and the bay is further blockaded by floats of barrels and flotsam lashed together to push our enemies where we want them to go. Trinidad swims out (swim speed, and breathes under water!) and rips holes out of the bottoms of their boats, then swims back.

On the shore, we stand with ballistas and gathered archers and mercenaries (see last episode about the dissolution and dispersal of the White Sails). By the time the two remaining ships of giants arrive on shore, we have been sighting and picking a very few of them off from a distance- fire and frost giants, and hill giants and ogres with howdahs on their backs full of goblins. But when they hit the shore, that's when things really get interesting.

Did you know a 15th level wizard can just fuckin... reverse gravity? Because I didn't.

So while on one side Alain the revenant brought back to create justice is laying waste about him with his ballista installation, on the other we have a ship full of floating, angry giants, just- drifting on up into the sky. Their ship is on fire, they're being shot at by a tiefling with 8d6 sneak attack and a generous DM, chased by an angry paladin, and shit is generally not going their way. The fire giants at least are throwing flaming debris at us, but we're ducking and weaving and hiding behind the peaked roofs of the administrative buildings that have been evacuated to ready us for this assault.

There was a cloud giant who initially said he was just an observer- and then tried the whammy on Alain to get him to turn the ballista on us.

Tried.

It did not go well for him.

One frost giant actually made it up onto the shore and started laying waste to the mercenaries on the ground, whomst were healed several times by Maeve the paladin using made-up mass combat rules, but took heavy losses as he started stomping around. Just as she was taking him out at the knee, Sorianna our wizard releases the reverse gravity spell-

-and the boat turns to flinders as most of its already softened-up residents are turned into jelly by the unforgiving ocean floor. Because control water is a cleric spell, and there just happened to be an interested party on a further shore.

The fight ran long, so we wrapped it up pretty quickly after that, but there was a solid implication of 'home for tea and medals' and there's definitely going to be some relieved kissing by the (un)holy-husbands.

Next week's homework- what's the worst trick your character ever played on someone, or- what's your character's favorite, 'try and take this from me and you will draw back a stump' kind of treat? It's also mentioned that- due to other world events of the previous campaign- basically, our group? At fifteenth level and having achieved a certain amount of notoriety for slaying dragons and basically pacifying the region- we are the cavalry for handling shit like this. So the Lords' Alliance wants to talk to us about that red dragon and his flunkies that have been burning and pillaging...

[feline-evil]

To try and make my memory issues less Annoying i'm going to start cataloguing what i watch and my opinions on said things, i forgot to do it fresh after watching these first few things but in the future ill try and do it more soon after. You can block the tag jay tv time if you wanna filter this out and not see it!

POST NUMBER ONE: THREE THINGS WATCHED IN JANUARY 2024

YURI ON ICE

I'd heard vaguely about this way back when on tumblr and hadn't had any interest at the time; this was back when i was more interested in getting involved in discourse than really taking any media recommendations from my peers around me lol, older days on tumblr were a dark time huh. Anyway, watched this with my boyfriend this year because i have an interest in ice dancing, i like the sport, i wanted to see some sports anime drama around it!

So, my opinion and review. The show's opening credits are nothing to write home about, very clean looking yeah but kind of bland in a sort of mid 2010's corporate fashion- the show itself though starts with a boatload of charm and a very likeable main lead! The atmosphere was charming and fun and bubbly, everything felt very cozy; LOVED our main leads internal little monologues with little diagrams, loved his family his mom is like peak platonic ideal of an anime mom, loved the tongue in cheek nature of it! Aaaand then we hit what i would call the lowest point for the show, and one that i fully understand if it would be a complete deal breaker for people. That's right folks, we get fatphobic comedy! Whoo. This isn't the WORST i've ever seen but in those first two episodes or so it was prevalent enough to have me rolling my eyes, feeling uncomfortable and saying yeah, if this continues on we might drop the show. If not for how charming the rest of the show was I'm sure we would have dropped it right then and there! But what i am glad to say is that yeah, it drops off; of course it comes with the caveat that it only drops with the main lead losing the weight he was being mocked for, SIGH, but it at least started to feel less like we were going to have to sit through endless weird attitudes towards NORMAL WEIGHTS FOR A GODDAMN HUMAN BODY TO BE, and more like 'oh yeah these hardcore professionals in these fields have shitty attitudes towards bodies. That makes sense. Wish we didn't have to linger on it still because i dislike it thoroughly.' So anyway. Moving onto the next episodes the show really started to pick up for me and got me invested in the ice dancing; while a lot of characters come and go during the lead up to and the competition itself i found so many of them likeable and charming that i was rooting for them each time they took to the ice! I adored the 'rival' of sorts, fifteen year old yuri (not the titular one, different yuri) and we were cheering him on a lot; he's just a little angry kid that loves cats and wants to be the best!!! We wanted him to do good and have fun!!! And we found we were rooting like this for so many people, really feeling the vibe of watching a sport you enjoy and feeling the love for the art of it all.

Now speaking of art i will say i found myself not always totally in love with the animation during the skate segments; this show is really pretty looking for sure and certainly TONS of hardwork went into it so i don't wish to say anything against that- i don't even know if there IS a better way to animate this but. Well on occasion it felt as if the background slid at the wrong speed or angle or direction and didn't fully match the figures skating, making some of the speed and elegance of ice dance evaporate. A lot of animation also felt a little reused, a lot of the same motion being done with little variance aside from what the commentary dialogue says over top, but again i respect a ton of hardwork no doubt went into this and i'm sure animating competitive ice dancing is a daunting task so i'm not making any statements against effort or skill on part of the animators!! Just stating that i myself wasn't too taken with the animation during these segments.

Of course, at its core, what yuri on ice is really about is a blooming relationship; and oh my god. Okay so i'm kind of used to things tumblr called gay back in the day being....mmmm metaphorical, subtextual. Sometimes even not gay at all. So i wasn't prepared for how openly gay this was! There is clear romantic and sexual intent shown from JUMP, it is not shied away from nor shown as something to be demonized or to bring doom on the characters they are just Gay. Like REALLY gay. And maybe you're going 'well duh of course' but hey. I didn't grow up watching anything with gay characters or people in it, i still am not used to seeing open and happy gay people in media. Its still fresh to me! And it makes me happy! I don't know how they got this show to be SO gay, i would be surprised at something gaining mainstream popularity with 'THEY STRAIGHT UP GET ENGAGEMENT RINGS' level of gay nowadays never mind back then so i'm just sort of taken aback! That's cool!! That's still new to me!!

Now my overall review is: This show is a good fluffy watch, nothing too complex or complicated, might not blow your socks off but if you want something feel-good it's worth a try! Obviously with the understanding that if those first few episodes leave too bad a taste in your mouth i compleeetely understand and would not begrudge anyone switching off at that point, you'd be well within your rights because good lord we didn't need that put in. But yeah! Show's gay! Show's got ice dancing! Someone should take Yuri Plisetsky to the rainforest cafe!!!

DUNGEON MESHI

OK SO THIS WILL BE A SHORTER REVIEW BECAUSE WE HAVE ONLY SEEN ONE EPISODE VERSUS YURI ON ICE BEING A FULL SEASON, ALSO DO NOT FUUUUCKING SPOIL DUNMESHI STUFF MY BOYFRIEND HAS READ THE MANGA BUT I HAVENT.

Dungeon meshi is something i've known about for ages and known that i'd like, but i also knew it had a plotpoint adjacent to something that (genuinely depending on the day, its like a damn coin toss) can squick me out OR trigger me a bit, SO! I'd never read it, which i know is a damn shame! But my boyfriend really wanted to watch the first episode of the new dunmeshi anime and i really really wanted to watch with him and i'm really glad i did because it is SO good. It is so fun and witty and bursting with charm, every character is so likeable and it feels like you've known them forever from jump they settle so easily within your fondness for them! I adore how much they do not shy away from Laios being a very passionate weirdo, i love that the guy who is pretty much our main lead in our cast is. A PECULIAR MAN WHO YOU JUST REALLY CAN'T HELP BUT HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR. I've been this man before, the guy who's really into something nobody else gets!! I get it Laios i get it! Marcille Chilchuck and Senshi are all absolute delights too and each has their personality show vibrantly different from each other, feeling like individuals all with so much to like about them all; Marcille as the person to constantly be unsure about the CLEARLY PECULIAR THINGS THEY ARE DOING is especially great!! Not only is this show a romp so far but it looks DIVINE, the animation knows exactly when detail and motion is needed and when a minimalist approach is needed to sell a gag; each character is rendered PERFECTLY from manga to anime, they are translated over with an expert touch that loses none of their charm- and according to my boyfriend this anime is a very straight forward adaptation, beat by beat following the way things are laid out in the manga's panels the way they are presented within that medium, and that's SO cool to me that they're managing to make precise things that worked so well on paper work just as well in motion! I can't say too much about this story-wise or plot related just now as again, we've only seen the one episode, but it has left me hungry for more and really excited to watch the rest of it, and that's fantastic!! PONYO

Oh wow this is three for three animated entries for the jay tv time list; not intentional but that's pretty cool co-ordination! Animated January..... ANYWAY!

CAN YOU BELIEVE I HADN'T SEEN PONYO YET! I've seen Spirited away and My Neighbour Totoro, but this was my first time watching Ponyo and ohhhhh my god it's wonderful. Every character is a joy, the world around them looks gorgeous, its all so sweet and nice and aaaaaaa Sometimes small kids can be. Grating in movies, or the plot can be moved along in ways that are annoying to watch a toddler progress through, but not with this movie; the kids are SO cute, Sasuke is such a sweet lil kid and Ponyo is so fun- also the line early on at the daycare where the one lil girl says 'you don't have a job you're FIVE!' KILLS ME! This movie portrays little kids in a way that never crosses into the annoying small child thing that a lot of movies can do; and that's not all it does right! It's conflict never feels contrived or irritating, it always flows nice, it's characters never feel boxed into Bad or Good everyone is just a person trying to do what's right, the world never feels Too hostile or Too cosy it just feels nice and balanced! It's a joy to watch it really is, it's not a complex nor complicated tale but it doesn't need to be, its a movie to watch when you want to have a big happy smile on your face; it makes you want to clap and go yayyy!!!! So often because you love what's happening so much! Sasuke's mom is SO FUCKING GOOD. Spoke about platonic ideal of anime mom earlier but Sasuke's mom takes the award for Coolest mom; she's driving fast and furious, she never once judges Ponyo for being a fishy, she's cool!! Ponyo's dad is equally good, i love a well meaning man who just can't help but come across as a Total Weird Asshole because he is just so much of a tired grumpy mess; and i love that he's not portrayed as evil or mean, just protective and misguided in places but ultimately just as kind as everyone else in this movie! And that's something i really appreciate, so much kindness flows through this movie, so much love for your fellow man (or fish); the community feels like a community because of it, families feel like families because of it. Kindness is so wonderful and the kind of kind, gentle understanding in Ponyo makes it's characters come alive! The final moments when Sasuke accepts Ponyo makes so much sense, he's a sweet lil five year old, he doesn't have any prejudice engrained in him, he likes his fishy friend!! And the world is saved by that!! And isn't that just delightful! Also hey if we may get unprofessional Sasuke and Ponyo's moms had a little something going on between them, i think they could've had a lil something something. I'm just saying. I also love Ponyo's dad SO Much. I couldn't fix him but. well. nay, i shan't say. ANYWAY!!! REALLY GOOD, SWEET MOVIE! Definitely one i'll revisit on days when i want a nice sweet pick me up! It's gorgeous, it's heartwarming; oh my god and the ANIMATION!! THE ANIMATION! Every frame a delight, i appreciate so much of how well done the creatures of the sea are and how much are filled into every scene, making it feel bustling and alive, i appreciate how unafraid to make Ponyo look WEIRD they are it really adds to the charm, and the animation in general is just so perfect, its a work of art... I REALLY ENJOYED THIS MOVIE! AND I THINK THAT'S IT FOR NOW, STAY TUNED FOR UH. MORE THINGS I WATCH I GUESS.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

This is going to be a hot take but so be it.

Alpha Variant Covid19 was not the devastating monster the media hyped it up to be. Was it lethal to people? Yes. It killed my father. Though would not have if the asshole had not been a stubborn asshole and stayed on the ventilator he was on. However, for most of the populace it was barely a cold.

However, in at least 5 states, Governors, rather than accept the at time presidents help, decided to put people who tested positive (which we still do not have a perfect testing system for even now) into nursing homes with the elderly. Several hospitals have come forward expressing that they exaggerated numbers for the financial gain because of course they did. What's more, there were possible treatments early on, like monoclonal antibodies, that the gov tried to restrict.

Issue is, you can't just full shut down an entire country for an extended period of time.

It's not ethical to do it

It's not practical to do it

It's not functionally possible to maintain for any duration of time

They knowingly held back the shot, (which we still don't have accurate injury stats on especially in regards to younger men and pregnant women) for between a week and a month until elections passed, to not give the former president a "win".

We were in essence lied to about the efficacy of masks and the "Vaccine" which magically changed definitions in 2019 to BARELY encompass the Bio N Tech stuff, was told to us would "Stop the spread and we could go back to normal" if people took it. And people who could not medically, who were told by their doctors not to, were forced decide to risk injury or death, or lose their jobs as most jobs would pressure you to take it or let you go out right.

In short the Gov did everything wrong. It wasn't about "Oil" or "No Oil". The Gov just found it's new source of control and income. And it's the Pharma and Medical industry. Newer variants are not as lethal and are just more transmissible. Viruses over time generally become less lethal because they are functionally trying to stay alive. They aren't sentient but they do strive to live. As all living things do.

The Gov failed here again not because Oil. But because a con artist who should not have been the public face of health lied about funding gain of function in Wuhan, then said, "Oh no one is going to need masks" then after china hijacked boatloads of our masks through foreign nationals, decided, "Oh well yeah masks". Then consistently flip flopped based on stuff the WHO org said, then flip flopped more based on stuff the media suggested. Like wearing two masks.

Our gov's response to covid was devastating. Not because the "Didn't do anything". But because you were fodder and they were not afraid of the virus at all. Most of the people that made the rules, were out ignoring those very rules. So while yes, they screwed up, it's not really in the ways you think. actually had things remained mostly normal, and immunocompromised people taken the proper precautions, as well as the elderly, covid would have burned through the healthiest of us and we'd have been more protected for it.

Instead we were told to insulate ourselves. Which is not a healthy way to live. Humans survive in most cases through exposure. Not by living in a bubble.

no caption needed

[krawlernyannyan]

HSR 6-15-25

I've been stuck in bed from a pinched nerve for a couple weeks but I'm finally back! You haven't missed a whole lot, mostly just grinding for Cipher (and now that I have her, grinding for Fu Xuan). But on that note:

I have Cipher now! And Fu Xuan, too, but I'm still working on her Traces. It took a while to find a set of Relics that got her stats to where I could be comfortable with them, so while I'm not totally satisfied with her Crit stats I'll settle for now and hold off on fine-tuning until I've gotten Fu Xuan sorted out.

I've actually been using her, too! I wasn't sure where she fit best but I've been getting a lot of use out of her in a new Acheron team I'm trying out, plus she slots pretty well into Cas' team depending on the circumstances.

One of the first places I got to run her for real was Pure Fiction! Stage III was a full 80k and an easy time of it, but Stage IV has been giving me trouble - currently settling with 53k since neither half is close to reaching 30k right now.

Most of my day today has just been grinding runs in the latest DU weekly and I've been having a ton of fun with it!

Four runs in a row I was able to unlock Boundary Equations, which I've saved for later! Most of them were cakewalks but I have to mention the Destruction one specifically for being a doozy to actually play through.

Start off wanting Harmony since Break was the only team I hadn't saved a good file for.

Playing these on X4.

The Break team collapses about 1/3rd of the way through and I have to shift over to Castorice's squad.

Reach the Altar of Benediction and, for the first time, opt to go for it since the run has kinda fallen apart by that point. Loads into Destruction which works great for Cas!

Run is a cakewalk from there but I pick up a couple Rubert Curios (I've been trying to make the trio all day)

In Domain 20 of 22, the Curio-disposing one hits itself.

I lose 32 Curios all at once.

Welp.

Thank Fate I had a boatload of money by that point to just load up on Blessings and unlock the Destruction Boundary Equation because otherwise Nikador was going to suck. He wound up being easy in the end but ough.

At the least, I also managed to hit a ton of new Occurrences today, and actually finished off all the rewards for the Gallery of Possibilities!

Five-Star Fund: 40/90

[the-firebird69]

From this angle he looks like every clone singing their son or every other clone.

Zues

It's very true is that's true and his behaving like the guy too now no not really

Hera

This looks like the clone when he's facing you he looks a little bit like his other pictures we know who this is he's a clone and it's showing regular people they can change significantly and hide pretty quick takes a minute but then there's somebody else. It's very dangerous in a regular setting unless you're ready for it people can get hurt. We do not want our people running about with these it is time for you to come home and stay home and we mean it and you're to contact us using our method so you can attain freedom.

We do need your help in our armies yes.

These people were getting more and more pushy with our son and more and more obstinate and we needed them to move off him yesterday and it took a lot of time and force these people are going to run out of defensive measures our son will be left high and dry we're now working on that to make sure it doesn't happen and we're moving out.

Thor Freya

Good. They're coming up against it now and shortly it might happen here.

Hera

We see them getting countermeasures and we see them building things here but there's not enough people here but they are making it and because they can't get it here and we can see that they are trying to do it very quickly and a lot of it it's a massive fight.

+the ships came up and they have defeated Tommy f for now he's sending more shifts that will be here in about 3 hours A Little less than 3 hours. The morlocks have about 10,000 ships are grabbing some but $15,000 are on the way. Tommy F has 5,000 ships no he has none but he's got about 10,000 on the way and the morlock will have a total of 25,000 ships and will wipe him out and that's all the ships tell me f will bring to bear he's trying to steal some now and getting beat up

+The spaceship center headed here last night and early this morning are gone Tommy F lost 30,000 others lost $20,000 and they stopped trying to get here yeah Tommy F has about 35,000 left and he is going to probably try and people getting ready but it's up there in a line more or less around here there are 45,000 spaceships several more are joining in their resupply now

+at Alabama and Georgia he's trying to amass troops and they are halted at the border and they are attacked from behind soon they'll be gone another group is attacking to the West in Alabama and North in Georgia that group is also encapsulated and surrounded and we'll be gone soon these guys need business this time and they are going after these clothes for real sick and tired of being invaded and beat up and their stuff getting ruined and they're coming in the tunnels too. Large armies of the clothes have a mask and they are going to get the asses handed to them and they're not going to go far at all and everybody is telling them that we don't want you doing this ever again and they attack them it's going on right now that's the clones are trying to form in the tunnels and they're being attacked but reinforcements are having a hard time getting there they have not drained Florida dry but the numbers here are four it's about 70% of what they usually have a lot of them are fighting people because of this war so our son does end up trapped and this is the continuing problem there might be a solution on the horizon and unfortunately for these guys the solution is the running out of ordinance and the ammo and it's not pretty they're not going to have as much as they need and they are in trouble. They're making boatloads of it now yeah they're using phosphorus because they have to and it is depleting but there's a ton of it in Florida.

--we think that they will be out of stashes and caches probably at the end of this week no but it's something like that and they have to recall that you have to have enough to actually move him so they are taking a break or something this is going to be rather difficult to do and it's going on right now that they are trying to do something the clones are right up on them and they don't like what they're doing here. They are putting APB out on them they are seeking them on special warrant they saw what Tommy F was doing it for yesterday they are seeking him on special warrant they're going after any and all clones that they see that they start their project here they come in arrest them if they're seen near our son the clones are arrested. It's turned into an all-out war and these people know that they've been abducted and they're not tolerant of Tommy stuff and they want him dead that's going on now there's a lot of people who can't stand that guy they are up and they're fighting and they know it's going to be a difficult war but they have to do it and it's being said and it's going down now for real

--also last night there were a lot of death recorded and reported from disease and it's from radiation but they noticed these clones can handle a lot of it and yesterday there was a bunch it was not as high where our son was it was higher where the apartment is it's kind of an illusion that they were trying to cast and it's because the nuclear material is hot when it comes out and it goes upwards and it's lighter than a lot of air and it's not true but and it was settling down here and there the radiation was blowing back in into our son's apartment and the other people had their windows open and mostly they got sick the radiation coming back and the normal amounts it was up about 4.35 Rads and our son got initially about 4.2 as a Jones score an hour and then he got 4.1 for 4 hours and then it started to taper down but it was blowing into the window and he actually fell asleep for an hour we'll get blowing in now that was a good size exposure he hasn't had that yet and he hasn't had it since the trip to Miami and he definitely lost some Prilosec we are calculating he's at about 9.7% yeah he lost a lot of it and that's what's stuck in there and destroyed or has exited or was in the bloodstream and destroyed but that's what it can do just a few hours and we need that action it's going on now that it will intensify here that's radiation right now it's at 3.9 those holes that were steaming are still steaming you can't see the clouds it's not moist enough and they do it every once in awhile but it is getting higher a big change and it's pretty high right here where he is we're going to bring you to a different topic in a moment right now we are taking a break

Thor Freya

Olympus

[hardwarevent]

2025 Resolutions

Hello! It is January 3rd, 2025. Sorry I've missed the resolutions post from 2024. I'm very much aware that no one reads this blog and it's more for my own personal reference, but still. About twice as much stuff has happened since the last post in relation to the other resolutions posts as a result. Q2 and Q3 2023 was mostly wedding planning. The wedding went well! We had an incredible honeymoon in Bora Bora. While we were out there, my grandfather died, so I had to travel soon after arriving back in California to go back to my hometown. That was not a great time at all. Fast forward a year from that, and my wife and I spent our anniversary in Florence, Italy! This was the final leg of a trip to Scotland to visit my mom, who lives there after retiring. At the beginning of 2024 my wife and I moved into a townhouse that we rent not because we can't afford a house (although ehhhh), but because there are way more rentals open than actual houses to purchase.

Work has changed a lot. At the beginning of 2023, we started shifting a lot to AI (Wow! Amazing! What a surprise!). I got the previous project to a good place, then switched to making GitHub Copilot-likes and AI Assistants. That's where I've been for the past year and a half. Frankly, I'm sick of it. Luckily, I might be working on something that our users will actually use and find useful soon, maybe. Also, I'm just a regular senior software engineer now. They took away my direct reports. Well, "taking away" isn't totally accurate as much as my manager saying that I am a better engineer than manager, and me agreeing with him. Besides, that principal engineer in the previous post? Gone, kicked out. Another direct report left from burnout mid-2023. Another got kinda sorta pushed out in 2024. All of them I was happy to see go, for a variety of reasons. Just one person is left in terms of people I used to manage. Am I happier? For a while no, as I was working through these cloudy feelings of failure for a while. Then yes, when I realized I was indeed happier. Though right now, it kinda varies from project to project. There's this concept of a "staff engineer", where generally, you give up individual coding for more meetings, coordination of people, alignment, glue work, mentoring, etc. The idea behind it is that this is the "next level" beyond a senior engineer. Coding a lot of stuff really fast can only get you so far up the food chain. To keep climbing, you've got to increase your scope and influence. I've been reading books and focusing on that for career goals lately. Since the last post, the stock price has gone down a LOT. Then it went up some. Then it went down some. And so on. Right now it's up, and seems to be staying there, knock on wood. The tradeoff of the stock going down is that my wife works at the same company I do, and makes about as much and I do, and together we make a relative boatload of money. The stock is worth less, but I have more of it. Could I retire? Still probably not. But! It's enough to be a cushion I could theoretically coast on for a lifetime, if I'm smart about it and cut back a lot of things. The economy has gotten really shaky for tech workers. A lot of people have lost their jobs, and months have gone by without getting another one. Linkedin is full of these stories, and it's scary. As much as I'd want to explore a break, I feel really lucky to have what I have. Especially as the video-game-like trend continuing of things just getting harder (looking at you, incoming president).

I just finished reading a book called Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow. it was about two very close friends who start a game company and make some games over the course of their lives, and go through various states of their relationship during those times. One thing it made me think about is time. Time moves fast, and as you get older, it feels like it moves faster. I think this was smartly illustrated by the book by more and more time passing, on average, between individual chapters. I think this happens with a lot of books and stories, and the passing of time and relationships changing over time is a common theme of life, but this story made me think about that in particular. Time is moving quickly. Like, the time it took to pass through 3 years of high school felt like forever, ages, eons. The time it took for me to get through 6 years of college felt enormous. In both of those time periods, I wasn't even remotely close to being the same person at the beginning than I was at the end. I grew by leaps and bounds. I changed dramatically and learned so much. But I look at me now, and the me from 3-4 years ago? Pretty similar. That scares me. Change scares me, but not changing scares me even more. Maybe I've changed more than I think though. It's weird to think that at 33 years old, I'm at a temporal twilight of my life. Surely not, right? I haven't even had kids yet! We might this year though, we will see.

2025 is the year of the Snake, they say. Wikipedia says it's a year of transformation, renewal, and spiritual growth. I'm paying attention to that transformation myself. I'd like to lose weight and build some muscle, I'd like to learn how to be a dad and do a good job with it, I'd like to make progress to reach the next level of my career. I'm working to renew my fighting spirit. I need to remember to be confident, even aggressive when I need to be. I no longer want to shy away from conflict. I want to practice keeping my focus on something, and having my mind wander less. I also want to be calmer, more resilient. I just want to be all-around better, and I want to do that by focusing on those individual issues. Times keep getting harder, and I want to rise to the occasion.

So, individual resolutions:

Get better at public speaking. I've been consistently bad at it. I want to be better.

Gain some muscle. Use those free weights I got. Actually use the Peloton I still have (and admittedly do use roughly twice a week).

Remember to be confident and focused. Keep presence of mind as much as I can.

Learn how to be a dad, or at least read some baby books.

Thanks for reading, future me. I bet you're on your way towards meeting those resolutions. Here's to you. I imagine you now in my mind's eye. I feel gratitude. I hope you feel like the past year wasn't a waste. I'll try to make sure it isn't.

[last-flight-of-fancy]

I loooove digging into kairi’s character, what little she’s given, so i hope you’ll allow me to give my paltry two cents.

I think you’re right to an extent. kairi and riku’s relationship, in so far as it exists, revolves more or less around sora from both sides. He’s their center point and common denominator. so riku’s fall to darkness is definitely something that’s... a sore spot between them, to say the least.

The way I read them, i think they *wanted* to be friends, and tried to be at least a good chunk of their childhoods, but the advent of kh1 really sundered what fragile connections there might have been between them (and completely legitimately. like, kairi telling sora they should ditch riku on riku’s dream project was a dick move born of fear, and riku destroying their home and everything that resulted from that is an extremely fair reason for kairi to be wary)

Kairi’s fear of change absolutely plays into her discomfort with Riku, I’d argue almost more strongly than how he treated Sora. For Kairi, change is *trauma*. Change is the destruction of Radiant Garden and everyone she knew and loved- even if she doesn’t consciously remember it, that trauma is very real and very present on her psyche. Change is danger. Change is loss.

and then there’s riku, who is desperate for anything at all to change, who is so jealous and confused and angry at his own feelings that he’s ready to change everything.

and yknow? in this instance? kairi was right. change was destruction, it was loss. it took her home, her heart, and her best friend/living safety blanket away from her. trauma x2!!

the thing about this of course is that change is natural, and life without change is a stagnant one. kairi’s resistance to change has left her floundering and unable to keep up, riku’s desperation for change resulted in the near complete destruction of everything he cared about, and a boatload of his own guilt and trauma as a result. (have i mentioned lately how much i love the way kairi and riku are inverted parallels in like. every way? because i do)

And then there’s sora, their midpoint. The one who isn’t chomping at the bit for change, but isn’t against the idea either. The go with the flow guy. Which isn’t to say his approach is perfect either; his lack of commitment meant that he didnt really call kairi out on her wanting to ditch riku, and didn’t reach out when he noticed Riku drawing away prior to kh1 (i think this was hinted at in either the novels or character files, but i dont recall for sure. correct me if im wrong!)

all three have learned and grown over the course of the series, to varying extents, but those foundations remain- and probably always will. Riku has come to terms with his darkness and his feelings, but he’s not going to stop pushing forward, he still has that pain. Kairi is still terrified of change, writing letters she never sends, backing out of saying her true feelings at the slightest resistance, but (and this is my HOPE going forward based on her decision at the end of MoM) she may be ready to start accepting that change is inevitable, and maybe if she works with that reality she can create one for herself that isn’t based in destruction and loss.

and sora... sora’s probably fine wherever riku is.

i’ve strayed a bit off track here, but returning to the crux of this post, kairi and riku feel to me as people who once had something in common, were friendly, but never quite *close*, and now that the events of kh have unfolded the way they have, they probably never will be.

And here’s the thing- that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Hear me out; kairi accepting that change is sometimes necessary and riku learning not to force things before their time puts them in a place where, for all their torrid and traumatic history, they can be cordial with each other. Someone you would call and ‘old friend’, someone you wish well for, but only see maybe once or twice a year, and are both comfortable with that. Not trying to each be something they’re not for the sake of a mutual friend, instead being their own person with their own unique connections to that friend.

Hold onto your keyboards, cause I'm about to get ✨️controversial ✨️

I'd like to preface this by saying all interpretations/ headcanons/ readings/ etc. Are valid and I'm in no way discouraging anyone to change their ways.

I watched (and enjoyed) Baloney's "The Truth About Kingdom Hearts!" And I absolutely adored their take on the series, but one line stuck out to me that I really want to expand on because I don't see it being talked about as often as it should.

Kairi doesn't like Riku.

And I think this is a very RICH and IMPORTANT aspect of the Destiny Trio dynamic. It adds to the complexity of these characters, but especially Kairi.

(Another shout out to @violethowler and their INCREDIBLE Constructing Kingdoms series. The video on"The Girl Who Never Grew Up" made me like and understand Kairi so much more. Highly recommend checking it out.)

Kairi doesn't like Riku, and with some pretty valid reasons, but I'll get to that after I compile all the evidence towards this:

In KH:

Kairi likes her life the way it is. She doesn't desire change, but Riku wants nothing but change. He wants to grow up and move on and see the outside world.

And because Sora looks up to him, Sora has jumped on the bandwagon too. Kairi is going along because Sora is. But it is clear that for Kairi, change =/= good. So what does she say?

"You know, Riku's changed."

Sora asks her how, and she kinda bites her tongue. Clearly she had opinions, but doesn't want to badmouth Soras best friend to him. Later she says, "Sora, don't ever change."

Later, after everything, when Kairi is restored and in Travers Town, she doubts that Riku can be saved, despite the fact that she LITERALLY saved Sora from being a heartless. She almost seems like she's trying to convince Sora not to go, or to at least let her come with-- not to save Riku but because she wants to be there with Sora.

At the end of the game, she obviously return to destiny islands and draws the paopu.

During Chain of Memories, everyone forgets about Sora, but the memories of Riku stay intact. For a year. Kairi is well aware that her "friend" is missing. In fact, last she knew of him, he was still taken by Ansem and presumably dead or at least suffering. She doesn't know.

She knows she's a Princess of Heart and has powers thay can help (as she restored Sora after being a heartless). But the most we get is "he's far away, but I know we'll see him again." Like, do you?

I mean, SELPHIE is the one that says "I sure miss him." That's way more than we EVER get from Kairi.

So for a YEAR, she doesn't spare Riku a single thought. But the SECOND she remembers Sora, she is willing to do anything to see him again.

Here's a little bit of speculation for WHY she doesn't like Riku:

1) Perhaps when she first met them as kids, he reminder her of Xehenort, who kidnapped her and yeeted her into space.

2) Kairi wanted to be best friends with SORA, but not Riku. She's afraid that Sora will follow Riku to the outside worlds (where she doesn't want to go) and leave her behind. If it wasn't for Riku, Sora wouldn't want to leave at all.

3) He (as far as we know) opened the door and damned their home into Darkness. That's probably a point of contention for her. Even though Sora so forgiving.

4) He hurt Sora in KH1, but Sora is still loyal to him. She probably sees that as him taking advantage of Sora-- the person she cares most about.

5) He's the reason Sora never came home. If it wasn't for him, they would have gone home at the end of KH1 together.

I can't say for sure how Riku feels about Kairi. He DID drag her corpse around and give into the darkness to save her, but that can be interpreted as solely wanting to "beat " Sora at being the hero. Even still, we get moment in COM where he reflects on missing her. We even see Namine come to his rescue in her form. I definitely feel like there is less animosity there, but who knows.

That's all.

Roast me, Kairi stans, but I love the depth this reading gives to the story and the potential for arcs and character growth for her and she is forced to face who she is without Sora.